Thursday, April 14, 2016

Peace, Be Still

Good Shepherd 12x14 Strata Exclusive
Good Shepherd by Simon Dewey, find here 

Today I talked to my daughter's chiropractor (who will be mine shortly) and learned something about my spinal condition. Apparently, the reason people have this condition is the result of a fracture in the spine, which is something I was never told before. I'm pretty sure I know what caused it, but I had no idea that's what had happened.

Even though that knowledge didn't change anything about my situation--just took away a little hope I'd been harboring--I got into my van and cried. I hadn't really expected that anything would be able to change, and sure enough, with the level of severity I have, it's not treatable except with hardware. And I have a really miraculous natural hook made of bone that grew to stabilize the situation, so I don't even have to have hardware, and I retained most of my mobility. Considering all that, I don't have room to complain--and I don't want to complain. But sometimes, you gotta cry anyway.

I didn't want to break down in front of my daughter, but some days just facing the hill I have to climb feels like I'm facing a mountain. Truth be told? I really don't want to climb it. I'd much rather stay in bed and not do anything. But I have a responsibility to be as healthy and functional as I can be for my family, because they deserve it. (I know some of you will tell me that I deserve it, and that's true. If it were just me though, I probably would just watch Netflix and eat chocolate pretzel thins most of the time.) And as I told my daughter, tears are okay. They happen when we're hurting emotionally too, and it's healthy to cry. Sometimes we just need to.

Seagull Book is a few doors down from the chiropractor. I felt drawn to go in, so I did. And everywhere around the walls inside were beautiful pictures of the Savior, and temples. They reminded me that the Lord has felt what I'm feeling, and that He's there for me. I forgot what I was sad about. I forgot about all of it for a while, and I was surrounded by peace and comfort. This picture especially hit home, with the way the Savior is holding the little lamb in His lap.

Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd by Simon Dewey, find here

It was a good reminder that even though pain and disappointment and suffering are part of this life, they don't have to be the end-all. I have been blessed in so many ways, and I have an infinite source of comfort only a prayer away. Also, at some point, I'm going to get that painting to hang in my home, because I--we all--are that little lamb who needs some extra comfort and love now and then.

1 comment:

She's in the kitchen! said...

It's hard to see anyone suffer, but when it comes to our children, we experience such heartache knowing the trials they endure. You've had a huge set of challenges, and have managed to plow through your adversities, while keeping your kind heart and quirky sense of humor intact! I love you, my sweet daughter....