Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Chapter Book, Fantasy

Name: Dee Keymel

Category: Chapter book for children

Genre: Christmas Fantasy

Other age categories I like to write: MG, SS, Fables

Twitter: @DeeKeymel
Web: none

Excerpt from end of Chapter Two, Chapter Three, and Chapter four.. Just over 500 words.

            Now this story is true
            So some people say.
            It happened like this
            On that long ago day.
            The day that the Christ child
            Was first laid in his bed,
            One shiny golden hair
            Fell from his sweet head.

There it lay, in the manger, hidden in the fresh sweet straw. It surely would have been lost. No one would have known and certainly no one would have thought to look for a single golden hair.

                        Chapter Three
                 A Spider and His Web

But there came someone to see the baby that night, a sort of un-invited guest. A quick peek was all he wanted. A tiny spider that lived in the corner of the stable scurried out of his world of shadows to see why the angels sang.

This uninvited guest looked and saw the glory of the new born Christ child. While he watched and gazed around, he spied the golden hair down in the straw.

“Ah,” he said, “a golden thread. I must have it—to spin into my web. He scrambled down and carried the golden hair back to his world of shadows.

He began a new web; the most beautiful web he would ever make. The tiny hair lengthened and strengthened as he performed his work of art. He spun the golden thread into a star, just like the one in the night sky, and the new star lit up his world of shadows.
“A golden star. I’ve found a miracle.” the tiny spider cried. “What beauty. I must make more.”

The spider rushed to the Christ child’s bed and searched for more of the golden threads. His head filled with thoughts of all the golden stars he could make, all over the stable.

                        Chapter Four
                  A Bird and Her Nest

Now up in the open window the birds perched and sang songs with the angels. They wanted to tell the world about the birth of the new born Christ child. As they sang, one little turtledove spied a gleam of light down in the corner of the stable. It looked like a star. The little bird flew down to see. As she got closer, the turtledove saw the golden star was but a bit of a shiny thread spun in a spider’s web.

“Ah. A golden thread,” she said. “I must have this for my nest.” She pulled loose the glimmering hair, destroying the web, and flew to her nest in the eave of the stable.

When the spider came home and saw his star gone, he wept for his loss. As he wept, he knew the greed in his heart made him lose the golden star. He knew there would never be another as there were no more sparkling threads.

The turtledove strutted and cooed as she intertwined the golden hair into her nest. With her work the thread became stronger and longer. To her delight the nest glistened as beautiful as a king’s crown covered with golden jewels shaped like tiny stars.

“It glows. It sparkles. I’ve found a miracle.” the turtledove cried. “I can’t wait to show my friends.”

Bio: I'm married with four grown children, ten grandchildren and seven great. I'm retired with my husband after being self-employed with our own printing company. Retired and loving it! I've taken classes with the Christian Writer's Guild by Jerry Jenkins. My mentor, Eva Marie Everson, encouraged me to move forward. I'm involved with Martha Alderson, her classes, and "A Path to Publishing". I have a MG Adventure novel finished and I"m sending out queries now.

Critique methods: I will do what the person or group wants. I can tell what moves the story or slows it down. What makes sense and what doesn't. I can point out trouble with sentences, weak verbs, and useless words. I am not mean spirited. I want to help, not hurt.


Becky Fettig said...


I see your story is a Christmas fantasy....mine too, but I didn't post that. It would also be considered a contemporary fantasy. Mine is about a village of tiny people living inside a Christmas tree, so we might be a good fit. My story has 45000 words which is probably way bigger than your chapter book, but if willing to swap, I'd welcome your quaint little story.

I'm at the top of the MG list. If you don't wish to trade, I'll understand, and I wish you luck with this story and the other one you're querying.


Becky Fettig said...


Did you get my email in regards to us sending two chapters to each other? If so, reply to that email.

Becky Jones Fettig

Nichole Eck said...

This isn't my usual genre, but I'm intrigued. Let's find out if we'd be a good fit!