Tuesday, August 20, 2013

My Dream Haircut Stylist. Too Bad He's Two-Dimensional

My hair has been driving me crazy! I had it cut at the beginning of the year, and due to circumstances beyond my control, have not been able to get it cut since. All the layers are growing out, and I just feel more and more meh--kind of like the opposite of Samson. The more grown-out it gets, the weaker I feel. Silly, but true.
So, I have been fantasizing lately about taking a piece of broken mirror (or scissors or a knife) and hacking off my hair so I can look like this: 

Because all I need to look like this is the hair. Trust me.

Seriously, Rapunzel hit the jackpot in hair stylists. Not only does her man save her from a life of servitude to this:


The hair is my preciousssss, yessss!
But in that instant, in the throes of death, Flynn--excuse me, Eugene--gives Rapunzel this way stylish, fashionable haircut. And dye job. With a shard of mirror. MIRROR. That guy is both freakishly strong and accurate.


I think we all know what Eugene's new line of work became after he settled down from a life of thievery. Maidens showed up from every corner of the kingdom for a haircut just like the Lost Princess received.

A little lawnmowerish, but not bad for, oh, say, in the middle of dying.

As much as I am tempted to try the same thing with my own hair, I have refrained, lest I end up looking something like this:

If I wait long enough, I could possibly go with something like this:

I'll get back to you in a few years to let you know how it goes. (I am also hoping sticks don't get caught in it, dirt doesn't show when I am running through the forest, and hair that turns glowy and magical when I sing would be way cool.)

(Come to think of it, I did find a broken mirror behind my dresser when I moved it the other day . . . uh, I'll be back later.)

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