We've been battling fruit flies lately; they're pesky, evil little bugs that dive-bomb us at every opportunity. I feel like a special ops agent sneaking around the kitchen to assemble a salad! The darn things catch one whiff and they turn into produce-seeking missiles. The military really should explore that option.
These nasty bugs aren't like regular fruit flies; they are almost sticky, crawl a lot and are sluggish when they fly. Years ago, my mother christened them "Yucky Bugs", and the name, well, stuck.
This morning, the kids were covering their juice glasses with their hands, trying to think of ways to get rid of the Yucky Bugs.
Lion was the first to pipe up. "Maybe we could take all the fruits into a jar, and the fruit flies will get in the jar, and we can take spiders and put them in the jar with the fruit flies, and the spiders will eat them."
Professor liked the spider idea. "What if we capture some spiders and take them inside, put them near the fruit, then when the fruit flies get near the fruit they'll get caught in a web?"
Lion sat there eating his scrambled eggs, scanning the counter for weapons. "We could slice the watermelon in half, then the fruit flies will go in and we'll close it and trap them inside."
Professor shook his head. "But then we couldn't eat it!"
Lion thought for a second. "Yeah, that's true."
Princess just sat there eating her breakfast one-handed, since she wouldn't remove her palm from the top of her glass.
Bean was blissfully eating toast, unaware of the dire straits we were in.
My cheering section hurrahed from the table as I quickly emptied out the fruit bowl and filled it with hot water, drowning five flies. My children joined me in shouts of triumph as I yelled out the number of how many I killed. I shook my head at cries of "I want to do it!" while I smashed fruitflies with a paper napkin, fighting the urge to hurl all the while. (My biggest fear about learning to drive wasn't that I'd be in charge of a ton of metal hurtling at 70 mph, it was continuing to watch the road and not get sick when a bug splattered on the windshield.) I didn't want to chance little bug legs, wings and smashed innards wiped anywhere I might find them, so my volunteer extermination squad was out of luck.
Finally, most of the fruit flies were vanquished. Our juice glasses and salad bowls are safer now.
Peace reigns. Especially now that I've cleaned off all the counters and the bugs have nowhere to hide.
A Yucky Bug was just crawling on my shirt and glasses, no joke. He is no more. E's bleedin' demised. He has joined the choir immortal...if there is a choir down there.
He is an ex-Yucky Bug.