For those of you who know the content of this post already, my apologies. I have to start at the beginning to do this right, my chronicling of my so-called love life.
It happened when I was living in Springfield, Missouri. My first pinpricks of crushdom were for Neal Patrick Harris, aka Doogie Howser. He was cute, smart as heck and he typed his journal into a computer. What's not to love about that?
I was oh, about 11 years old at the time of my Doogie obsession. I hated his girlfriend. HATED HER! I watched it religiously until the show started getting a little too....heavy for my parents' taste. I missed Doogie, but not having to watch him with her was actually a relief.
Then, when I was about 12, I started noticing real boys. The first one I ever felt those slight stirrings of attraction for were for Loren. He was 12 and looked cute passing the sacrament. He was blonde though, and it took me a little to realize that I preferred dark-haired, older men. ( I have to say that I did give blonde guys a chance in my later years!) He also didn't have anything distinctive about his personality (that he showed a 12-year-old girl) and even though he was nice, after a while that attraction waned. Even then, I was attracted to guys with warm, self-assured, strongish personalities. (James, doesn't that sound familiar? *wink*)
Around the same time, I remember being attracted to my optometrist, Dr. Rice. I was embarrassed because I was only 12 and he was way older than me--probably in his late 20s. He was nice to me and I felt ridiculous for liking him, but I could have more easily changed the color of the sky than been able to stop feeling that way. How I wished I could! If I had only known what adventures and heartbreak were ahead, I wouldn't have been as concerned. I was most worried about someone finding out. Those first sensations of having a crush can be pretty scary for a young girl! It was as if I should have had a neon sign flashing on my head *NEWBIE TO TWITTERPATED LAND, WATCH YOUR STEP*. I thought everyone could see everything on my face, I felt so exposed!
Then the real thing hit. Whoever thinks "puppy love" isn't real has never really been in it. I developed not only a crush on Seth, but I truly did love him. He was a good friend. How I agonized over that boy! He was 14 when I turned 13, and I pined for him during our "Heart and Soul" duets after Mutual night at church was over. We used to play around on the piano on the stage in the gymnasium. ("Play around"= on the piano keys. With our hands. Songs. Now you feel guilty for thinking that, don't you?)
I lived for those nights; his adorable braces and curly brown hair paled in the light of his warm, brown eyes. We were friends. He was kind, respectful, smart and thoughtful. We had something special. I began to hope that he liked me in spite of my stringy long hair, round figure, and pink plastic glasses. (I was so happy when I got contacts. I hoped that would help.)
Then my friend Janae happened to drop the bombshell at her house one Saturday morning. "Did you hear that Seth is going out with Tanya?"
The world stopped spinning. I felt sick, but didn't want Janae to know. Her voice faded away as my air castles crumbled dustily around me.
I hated Tanya. Well, not maybe actually her, because that wouldn't have been fair. She had no idea I was in love. I hated what she had. Curse her for being new in church, curse all her 14 years of shiny, curly, long, black hair and fashionable clothes.
I was so happy when they broke up.
Not too long after that, we moved to Utah.
He never thought of me as anything more than a friend, but he was my first love. I've always wondered what happened to Seth.
It's funny now, but I look back to that time and even then my choice in the type of males I knew I could fall deeply for were pretty well established. I think I knew, to a point, what I was looking for even at that tender age.
So thank you Seth. You started me off on my journey to finding James, and you gave me a great springboard to leap off of when I began looking for the love of my life. I hope you're having a good life with your true love as well.