Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I Swear! (No, I Don't.)

  I found a great deal on this fabulous cheesecake book a friend recommended, (ok, I begged her to tell me the name of it) so I decided to take the plunge into making a simple one for Valentine's Day.  This afternoon, after the book failed to arrive yet again the kids and I were discussing cheesecake.  Mainly because Professor wondered why I was excited about a cheesecake book.  ('s for New York style cheesecakes.  Need I say more?)

  Afterward I was sitting at my computer, feeding six-month-old Bean when Lion (who is now eight as of last month) got into one of his silly moods.  One of his moods where he giggles incessantly and everything is hilarious, no matter how awful or disgusting it is. (This is the child who made up "Disgusting World", a nausea-inducing place where people are made of excrement and so on. Although I think Professor added that nice detail.  Both my older sons enjoy that sort of fantasy world-building.)

  Lion was sitting behind me in the computer chair, while he said "It's a cheesecake for a birthday, but instead of 'Happy Birthday' it says 'Shut Up'."  Of course I whined the obligatory "Liiiooon" while he giggled away.  ('Shut up' is on the List of Bad Words at our house.)

  I turned back to my laptop.

  Behind me I heard him going onward with his goofiness, which he will as long as he has an audience.  This time?  Nine-year-old Professor and four-year-old Princess were all the audience he needed. Lion began thinking up various other things to write on birthday cakes instead of "Happy Birthday".  His list was comprised of words and phrases from our Bad Word List.

"Number one: Shut Up. Number two: (Something I was sure I misheard, because it sounded briefly like a very bad word and I knew he didn't know any like that.)  Number three: What the Heck! Number four: Stupid."

  After random, assorted giggles Lion began the list again. When he got to number two, the doubt was flying rapidly away. I distinctly thought I heard him say "sh**".  (Or as James calls it, "the brown word".

  Certainly, I heard incorrectly.  No way could that word be coming from my sweet, eight-year-old's mouth.   In disbelief I asked, "What did you say?!?!"

  "Sh**.  Sh**.  Sh**." The 't' was enunciated quite well.  I had forgotten that one of his favorite movies is "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure", and he had learned to read in the last few years.  (The word is said in French, but printed in English on the screen.)

  Next I did the thing that a mother never, ever should do while she's telling her child to stop saying a very bad word.  Coming from a kid who never hears really bad words around the house (Ok, not worse than a da** or he** once or twice in his lifetime) it was hilarious. I laughed.  And laughed.  So what did he do?  What do you think?  He kept saying it.  He thought of all different ways to say it, and only stopped when I finally got control of myself.  Really, how can you take your mother seriously when she's laughing so hard she can barely hold onto your baby brother?  "Lion--hahahahahah, we don't ever, EVER--hahahahahahah--say words like that--hahahahahahaha--I MEAN IT!"

He finally stopped.  He then went down the hall and whispered something into Professor's ear, giggling afterwards.  I knew that giggle.

"He said another bad word, didn't he?" I asked Professor.


"What was it?"

"The bad word that is in Huckleberry Finn."  James had explained the not-nice term for African Americans to Professor when he asked to read the book.

"How on earth did he learn that word?"

"I told him the word so that he'd know it was bad if he ever came across it."


I thought back to the other day, when for Language Arts Lion was supposed to write three-letter words that had an 'o' in the middle.  That mischievous giggle was going full-speed when he brought me his workbook with the phrase, "OMG" all spelled out neatly.  I told him that wasn't ok.  He responded with his usual threat: "FINE!  THEN I'LL ERASE IT!"

"Good." I told him.

He repented quickly and got rid of the offending phrase.  I had hoped that was just an isolated incident.  Apparently it wasn't.

*Sigh*.  I hope he gets it all out of his system now.  At least right now it's limited to home.  After all the teaching, training and limiting my kids' exposure to things like swearing I would like it to pay off a little. I'm not looking forward to explaining to his friend's parents in a few years why my son swears like a sailor.

(ETA:  I am again open for business.  Comment business.  So if you've been reading, feel free to say "What's up!"  Or not.  No comment pressure around here!)

(Edited again to say that Lion has promised he won't say swear words "Ever again". I'll show him this part of the post if he relapses. He's a good kid; but he'll do nearly anything for a laugh. Wonder where it comes from...I'm pretty sure it's his father's side. Haha.)


Kizzie said...

I'm very pick about what I'll let Avery listen to and watch, bet a couple weeks ago he fell down and yelled "Oh Da**!" I couldn't believe it! When I asked him what he said he repeated it, I would have laughed but I was so shocked to hear my 3 year old swear! Sheesh. Now he knows it's a bad word and he promised to never say it again.

Rebecca said...

Oh no! I think all they have to do is hear it one time and it's etched forever in their brains.

We're even picky with the PG rated we let them see. And if there's ever anything questionable, we talk to them about it.

I guess that son of mine likes to push limits. I couldn't keep from laughing because it was so shocking, and because he has this giggle that makes you laugh when you hear it.

Rebecca said...

And when I say "PG-rated" I mean movies that are supposed to be suitable for children.

Karen said...

That was hilarious. If it were my child I would probably want to laugh and slap him at the same time! It's so much funnier when it's not your child. I laughed a lot.

Aaron Blevins said...

Actually, PG stands for Parental Guidance. G rated movies are the only ones that are meant to be safe for children. Great story, though. Thanks for sharing.

Rebecca said...

Aaron, what I meant was PG rated movies that are marketed for children like Shrek, The Incredibles, Madagascar, Open Season, Over the Hedge, Up, etc. We watch those with our kiddos.

There are people I know who do not screen or watch those with their kids, and think that everything in a PG kids movie is ok. To each their own, just not in our house.

Rebecca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
James said...

ROTFLOL. Oh yeah. No doubt it's from my side of the family.

I remember this one time, Emily was a couple of years old. I was talking on the phone with Brandy Buckles and Emily came toddling in and dropped the F-Bomb.

"What did you say?" I asked her. She repeated it.

"Where did you hear that from?"

"From Sheila."

Sheila was quite shocked when I told her what Emily had said. There's no way Emily learned that word from Sheila. My money says it was from our eldest brother.

L.T. Elliot said...


My dudes heard me say the "fish poop" swear word (you know, Bass Turd.) And my son asked me what it was (repeating the word) and I had to tell him not to listen to mommy. So he asks me, "Well, who was being a "fish poop" to you, mom?"

Helmbunch said...

Bad words have been a constant trial, oops don't laugh or they will never stops saying it, type of thing when our children were small. Sometimes we just had to go to our rooms afterwords and laugh it out, then come back out and have the "talk" as to why they shouldn't say such things. Didn't help that Grandpa always had a new bunch to teach them each time he came to visit. Keep on it. It helps for when they are teens--pretty clean language now--at least at home, I hope elsewhere.
I love your kids. They are such a joy.