Saturday, June 6, 2009

Little Miss Muffett Has NOTHING on Us!

Today James and Professor left for Professor's second day of Cub Scout camp. Shortly after their departure Princess and Lion came running into my bedroom, where I was drifting back to sleep.

"Mommy, Mommy, there's a spider in the living room!"

I sighed. "It's okay, it won't do anything. Just ignore it." I was hoping they'd magically be fine and I could go back to sleep.

No such luck. Lion took charge of the conversation. "But then when I eat breakfast I'll feel like I'm eating a spider, aaaahhhhh!"

Trying to put the situation in proper light for them, I decided to point out the relative harmlessness of the spider because of their difference in size.

"How big are you?" I asked.

"Seven," Lion replied, "but I'm scared of spiders!"

My worries pre-kids about finding snakes in the laundry or frogs hopping on the kitchen floor were all in vain, thank goodness. If I'm lucky, this baby boy I'm carrying will be every bit as irrational when he grows older as the rest of my children. I can deal with spiders if they result in no pocket surprises.

When James was a kid he freaked his mom out by trapping a black widow spider in a jelly jar. No worries of that here. If a moth flies in the room, Lion and Princess wig out as Lion cries "There's an animal in here!" while cringing and ducking. At least Professor doesn't go to pieces, he's just wary.

I'll have to remember to explain to my sons' future wives that they'll have to be fine with trapping their own insects.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

In the Last Month

Warning: Another TMI post ahead.

Scenario: Mom is in the shower. 8 and 7 year old boys charge into the bathroom.

Boys: "We have to go poop!"

Mom: "One of you go downstairs!"

Professor leaves.

Lion proceeds to do his business.

Mom, gasping in the shower: "Lion, FLUSH NOW!"

Lion: "I can't, I'm not finished wiping!"

Mom, gagging and heaving: "It doesn't matter, flush twice! FLUSH NOW!"

Lion: "I caaaan't!"

Mom throws up in the shower.

Mom, calmly: "When you poop, you can flush two times. Once after you poop, then again after you wipe."

Sounds of flushing

Lion, proudly: "There, I flushed!"

Mom, sighing: "Thanks, honey."

That about sums up the past month. That, and I've had these two songs stuck in my head alternately for the past month. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Can you guess which one is a result of someone's children being obsessed with a movie from her youth? 100 points to whoever knows what the other song means! It's cryptic, I know. But it's awesome.