Monday, October 26, 2009

Google: New God on Mount Olympus

Since Google is the new Greek god of all information, both useful and useless, I appeal to him for the most mundane things. Well, especially when I'm overtired or bored.

I love how the "suggestions" list pops up when I'm doing a search. Sometimes I think "Exactly! I couldn't have phrased it better myself!"

Other times I just shake my head. Like today, for example.

As impatient as I am, I decided to Google "how long Home Depot delivery take" because I'm going to Home Depot in about an hour to see about buying a new washer and dryer. I got as far in my search box as "how lon" before that good old suggestion box popped up. I don't know if they're based on most popular searches or not, but I got a good laugh.

1. how long does weed stay in your system

2. how long does it take to get a passport

3. how long does alcohol stay in your system

4. how long does it take to get pregnant

5. how long to boil corn on the cob

6. how long to boil an egg

So, instead of finishing my search, my imagination starts to run away with me.

Picture a guy waking around 3 pm on a Saturday. The details of the night before are very fuzzy, but as flashes of memory begin to flit through his numb brain he groans. Head pounding as he stumbles to the computer, he types the first question because, hey, he has a job interview on Monday. More flashes of memory...he remembers how he got that he looks up the second question. The ticking of the clock is like nails driving into his skull and his brain so full of cotton that he types the third question. Then, wincing as he remembers other stupid decisions he made, he types the fourth.

A growling rumble interrupts his searching and his thoughts turn to food. Rummaging in the fridge, he extracts from the perishing contents a single ear of tasseled corn and two eggs. He had thought corn would be a good idea a week ago, but he doesn't know how long to boil it for. Could he boil it with the eggs? Heck, he wasn't even sure how long to boil eggs!

May as well ask Google. He knows everything.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Little Fritterface

I figured it was time for the announcement, since he was born 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I can't believe that much time has gone by already. This is our Little Fritterface! He's a very sweet baby who likes to be on Mommy as much as possible, which makes doing anything computer-related not very easy. However, he is completely worth it! We all are totally and completely in love! His birth was fast, intense, and miraculous. He was watched over as he was in the process of being born, that's for sure. I hope to get his birth story written soon, but for now I thought I'd put up a couple of pictures. The first two were taken the day he was born. Princess is holding him in the second picture. He was 6 days old in the third picture. Welcome to the world, my sweet little guy!

Friday, July 17, 2009

I'm Giving Birth to a Monkey

I've been terrible about posting, mostly because I haven't had anything that isn't depressing to write about. I don't like to write pity posts, they make me squirmy when they're my own. So, because everything is pretty much the same old thing, I haven't bothered. I kind of disappeared from Blogdom entirely for a long time. There have been bright spots, but I think "I should blog that" and poof, they're gone. I have no brains left, they exited my fingers. I started laughing at myself when I dropped about 5 things in 8 minutes while cleaning in the kitchen. Getting down to the floor to pick anything up is a beast. Thankfully I've perfected the art of picking up stuff with my toes.

My week goes : Non-stress test on Tuesday, Biophysical Profile (special ultrasound) on Friday, doctor's appointment after. Then anything else I'm supposed to do between. But I'm getting down to the wire, so I thought I'd post an update if anyone else is still out there. ("Hello-o-o-o-o"I think there's an echo in here!)

I really wish I could wait until this baby is ready to come on his own, but because of my diabetes I can't. Thankfully drinking tons of water helps my blood pressure (it goes up when I swell), so that's still ok for now. The nausea I can handle a few more weeks, as well as feeling like a lumbering tortoise. However, this little stinker is bound and determined to make it difficult. He's a trapeze artist already! I can picture him in there, using his umbilical cord as a swing to flip from side to side. Little monkey.

I must have a uterus the size of an elephant. Really. Otherwise how can he go from breech a couple of weeks ago, to head down the next day, to breech, to transverse head on left facing up on Tuesday, to transverse head on right facing down today at 38 weeks 1 day? He's having a grand old time at his poor mother's expense. You would think that with me having diabetes he would be big enough to not be able to do somersaults. Either I've controlled it even better than I've thought, or you could hold the Olympic swimming competitions in there.

My dr wants to do an external version on Tuesday morning, because she thinks as soon as I get some pressure down there from his head, BAM, I'll go on my own. I'm not too keen on versions because they can be risky, but she thinks it will take hardly any pressure to turn him at all. I won't need any meds or anything, just monitoring. Plus, if he doesn't turn and I go on my own it would be an automatic c-section anyway. Also, I guess it's good that he has been turning, which means there's still play in the cord and such. I think it would be different if he had been in the same place for ages. I bet he'll flip right back afterward though. He moved when I came home and lay on my bed. Maybe he'll be nice to his mama or the threat of a version will make him go head down by Tuesday.

Right now I just want to head for the hills, find a quiet cave and sob. Pregnancy hormones are pretty primal. At least I have quite a story to hold over this little guy's head when he's older! "When I was pregnant with you, I had to go through blah, blah, blah, you OWE me!" Hahaha.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I guess this really wasn't a happy post after all. I promise to do better next time! I'll end on a high note.

C# seems appropriate.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Little Miss Muffett Has NOTHING on Us!

Today James and Professor left for Professor's second day of Cub Scout camp. Shortly after their departure Princess and Lion came running into my bedroom, where I was drifting back to sleep.

"Mommy, Mommy, there's a spider in the living room!"

I sighed. "It's okay, it won't do anything. Just ignore it." I was hoping they'd magically be fine and I could go back to sleep.

No such luck. Lion took charge of the conversation. "But then when I eat breakfast I'll feel like I'm eating a spider, aaaahhhhh!"

Trying to put the situation in proper light for them, I decided to point out the relative harmlessness of the spider because of their difference in size.

"How big are you?" I asked.

"Seven," Lion replied, "but I'm scared of spiders!"

My worries pre-kids about finding snakes in the laundry or frogs hopping on the kitchen floor were all in vain, thank goodness. If I'm lucky, this baby boy I'm carrying will be every bit as irrational when he grows older as the rest of my children. I can deal with spiders if they result in no pocket surprises.

When James was a kid he freaked his mom out by trapping a black widow spider in a jelly jar. No worries of that here. If a moth flies in the room, Lion and Princess wig out as Lion cries "There's an animal in here!" while cringing and ducking. At least Professor doesn't go to pieces, he's just wary.

I'll have to remember to explain to my sons' future wives that they'll have to be fine with trapping their own insects.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

In the Last Month

Warning: Another TMI post ahead.

Scenario: Mom is in the shower. 8 and 7 year old boys charge into the bathroom.

Boys: "We have to go poop!"

Mom: "One of you go downstairs!"

Professor leaves.

Lion proceeds to do his business.

Mom, gasping in the shower: "Lion, FLUSH NOW!"

Lion: "I can't, I'm not finished wiping!"

Mom, gagging and heaving: "It doesn't matter, flush twice! FLUSH NOW!"

Lion: "I caaaan't!"

Mom throws up in the shower.

Mom, calmly: "When you poop, you can flush two times. Once after you poop, then again after you wipe."

Sounds of flushing

Lion, proudly: "There, I flushed!"

Mom, sighing: "Thanks, honey."

That about sums up the past month. That, and I've had these two songs stuck in my head alternately for the past month. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Can you guess which one is a result of someone's children being obsessed with a movie from her youth? 100 points to whoever knows what the other song means! It's cryptic, I know. But it's awesome.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A Letter to my Baby Boy

Dear Little One,

I'm sitting here on my bed, listening to my playlist bopping away from the living room. It's on the family computer. My "work" music, since I love listening to upbeat music while I clean. But, I'm not cleaning. I'm resting, even though it's hard. But I want to give you the best chance I can, and that means taking care of your mommy.

We have known for a long time that we would have another little boy. Daddy even told me as much before I became pregnant with Princess, and I knew he was right. We just didn't know when.

When I found out you were coming to join our family I had a very strong feeling that this would be a very difficult time to go through physically, emotionally, and mentally for me, and this has proved to be true. I didn't know whether you would be ok or not. I had no idea what to expect, and some of that is still unknown. But every time I feel you move in my growing tummy gratitude hits me. I feel your soul already, your sweet little spirit--and it's beautiful. You seem calm, from your little taps and movements. You rarely kick anything with force--unless it's a sonogram or dopplar wand, and I don't blame you. You love to hear your Daddy's voice! I really do appreciate you not kicking me hard. You actually remind me a bit of your oldest brother when I was expecting him which is interesting, since you calm down when you hear his voice. Whoever you turn out to be, you will fit right in with the rest of us who love you.

Everything I have gone through, everything I will go through is worth it. I would do it a hundred times over for you if I had to. Daddy and I have loved you for a very long time, from the moment we knew you were going to be joining us. Your brothers and sister can't wait to meet you! They have oohed and aahed over you even when you resembled more of a bean than a little boy.

I am eagerly anticipating the day that I, covered with perspiration and filled with exhaustion, will take you into my arms and gaze with relief and peace upon your little face. I will snuggle you close, kiss you and reassure you that I'm still there though your world will be upside down.

Daddy and I will discuss you in awe and wonderment. I wonder--will you even up the noses? Only Professor has mine. Will you have Daddy's mouth? Only Lion has his. Will you be the first to have my ears? The birthmark two of your siblings share? Most of all, who will you be? No matter who you resemble, the exciting thing is meeting you. I can't wait to get to know you as you, little one, with your own unique personality.

There were many times I felt like someone was missing from our family. That empty space is now filled, the hollow feeling vanished. You have been waiting to come join us, and we are eagerly waiting for you!

Even though we're excited to see you, please stay put for another nine weeks. It will most definitely be worth the wait.

I love you.



Sunday, May 3, 2009

Miss Pettigrew Lives for More Than One Day

On Friday night James and I had a date night at home. We usually watch a movie together, but with his working so much and school winding up it had been several weeks. We have a subscription to Netflix, so when he said "I'll watch 'Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day' with you", I was excited since I had forgotten we had it! It had been sitting there for several weeks, just waiting. I should forget about things more often and be pleasantly surprised. Now, how to hide cheesecake...

I loved the movie, although I can't *officially* recommend it because of a certain scene. Let's just say that if you watch it, when Miss Pettigrew goes upstairs to wake up a "boy", don't look. Oh, and you may want to cover your husband/boyfriend's eyes when Amy Adams is in a towel. She lets it slip some, and although it's a side bottomish view it's more than I want my husband seeing!

Anyway, in the movie, poor Miss Pettigrew is hungry but never gets to eat. She has lost her job, has no money, and every time food is in her hands someone bumps her and she drops it. It's heartbreaking, seeing her so consistently embarrassed yet still famished! I wanted to pull her into a restaurant and sit her down with a pile of muffins and a jug of milk, tuck a stack of napkins in her collar, and say "Have at it!"

I got to thinking about this movie today because Miss Pettigrew reminded me of someone. There's this very sweet, softspoken lady in church that I don't see very often because she's in the other ward that meets in our building. We used to live in that ward several years ago, but since we moved have fallen out of touch with most of the people there. Still, some of them smile and say "hi", and we do the same.

Last summer, this lady (I'll call her Sister P.) pulled up in her car by my van as I was waiting for someone to come by and get their Pampered Chef package. (I don't sell, but my sister does.) We began talking, and I quickly got confused as she was mentioning events I didn't remember. I knew my mommy-brain was bad, but I was positive it wasn't that miserable. Then I realized she had me mixed up with someone else, especially when she mentioned that I had changed my hair.

"Oh, you mean so-and-so!" I said, relieved I wasn't actually crazy. "Yeah, her hair is short, wavy, and she colors it different colors, and mine is long and straight as a board." She apologized up and down and I reassured her that it wasn't a big deal. "It's ok, really." I explained matter-of-factly, "After all, we're both fat." (Meaning the other girl and me.) Even though it made perfect, logical sense to me I probably shouldn't have mentioned it. She was mortified. Nearly speechless, she stammered another apology and drove off.

I was surprised that she had mixed us both up, as this other girl and I are nothing alike, except both of us are pretty overweight and tend to carry it in the samish places. Different personalities, style, you name it. Plus, I was even Sister P.'s daughter's Young Women advisor for a while. I didn't blame her for the mistake since my brain malfunctions often. Still, I couldn't think of any other reason for her blunder except for the obvious fat factor, so that's why I mentioned it. Not PC, I guess. Oh, well.

The next time I spoke with her at any length was last Sunday. I was sitting on the couch out in the foyer when she asked me a question about the Primary room setup. I gave her the answers I could think of. Then the conversation turned to my pregnancy, since I told her that I was going to be released from the Primary presidency soon because of it.

Now, as I relate this next part, keep in mind that I've gained 22 pounds so far. I'm not happy about that, but insulin injections apparently do that to you sometimes. I'm in maternity clothes, even though it's harder to tell I'm pregnant if I'm sitting down, because my tummy isn't nice and smoothly round. It's--lumpy round. Like a deformed giant potato. Still, I'm so much bigger than I was before I started, being six months pregnant.

After finding out that I'm due in July she exclaimed warmly, "You don't even look pregnant!" Bless her heart!

I smiled and commented "Yeah, it's harder to tell when I'm sitting down because I have this stuff on top of it." Meaning my fat, of course. She left shortly thereafter. When I realized what I said, I groaned inwardly, "Oh no." Along with the remorse I found myself giggling in glee internally. I felt so bad for her since she was trying to compliment me, and I hope she didn't feel akward or realize how that could have been taken. a six-month-pregnant woman who has gone up in size a lot that she doesn't look pregnant could have caused a hormone-induced crying jag. Thankfully I'm resigned to playing Shamu at the next Sea World Impersonation Competition, so I laughed instead, and heartily. Over and over at each retelling.

Yesterday I was sitting in the foyer again (thanks to my aching back) during Sacrament Meeting. They had the doors open about 10 feet away from me, and I was in the chair closest to the hall. Sister P. came down the hallway, but she couldn't see the open doors. As she neared me, I smiled and spoke quietly. "Hi! How are you?"

In a normal, everyday voice she replied "Hi, how are you Sister -insert my real last name here-?" She was getting closer and closer and I didn't know how to tell her that the doors were open. I waited tensely with a smile on my face, not knowing how to stop her before she saw what was going on. She continued. "I was just looking at so-and-so's boy--" (who, ironically, was the son of the woman she mixed me up with last year) at which point she saw the open doors and halted. "Oh--I'm so sorry!" she whispered hastily, then practically ducked and ran around the corner to the next hallway.

Poor Sister P. I hope that if you read this, you will know that I think you're wonderful and feel only hope that I will not continue to be a source of your embarrassment. Unless, you haven't felt embarrassed about any of this or remembered it until now. In that case, perhaps you should go rent a good movie, buy some chocolate, and forget about everything I just said.

And Sister P., if you watch dear Miss Pettigrew? I hope you don't see why she reminded me of you. If you do, please remember how much I adore her.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Well, Hello There!

It is 1:30 am and I'm up because I'm hot. No, I'm not bragging. The thermostat says 71, but I'm sure it's lying.

Such a weird reversal! Usually it's James who's too warm. Now my feet are warmer than his, this little bun is causing the oven to overheat. Too bad that has no effect on the weight gain. The nurse has told me that insulin can do that to you. Well, Mr. Insulin, I don't like that at all! You didn't do this to me when I was pregnant with Princess. No siree, you didn't. I don't like how you're acting now!

My fingers are itching. Trembling to burst from the hold I put on them from connecting with most everyone I know (except on Google chat with my mother). I've restrained them far too long, limiting them to dispensing advice to scared/frustrated/sad/freaking out pregnant women on the boards: "No, no amount of cocoa butter will prevent stretchmarks. No, turning over in bed will not cause the cord to wrap around the baby's neck. Yes, your husband is a jerk for not wanting to go to the beach with you for a walk, but going instead with his (male) cousin who offers to bring some beer and talk. However, texting him that he's in trouble when he gets home and laying into him about it repeatedly isn't going to make him want to spend time with you anytime in the next 200 years. "

You know, advice like that. Since obviously, I am the fountain of all wisdom. Or maybe it's just because I have nearly 10 years of marriage under my belt, and going on 4 children. Sometimes you learn to let things go a bit.

Life is finally slowing down for me as it begins to speed up.

I quit running the natural-foods co-op. It was something that I had been thinking about a few months ago, but since things weren't organized well I decided to get things in better shape before handing it off. I didn't feel right about leaving a mess behind for someone else to clean up. It began working out quite well and had support from the majority of members, but there were a couple of major bumps in the road. After days of trying to work things out, I felt the best thing to do was resign. After much prayer I felt impressed to take the high road and stop everything in its tracks by letting it all go. So, that's what I did. I take comfort in the fact that Heavenly Father knows exactly what happened/didn't happen.

Because of all that I was jumpy even checking my email for a few weeks. I still get a start sometimes when I see new messages in my inbox. My kids suffered, my house has become perilous to navigate. I'm just beginning to come out of my cocoon. I was wrapped up pretty tightly inside it, a mess of emotions in a sticky, dense fog. But it's getting much better now. I'm even hoping to begin updating my decluttering blog again.

I wish I didn't do that, that I didn't take so much to heart. I wish I didn't care so much sometimes. But as much as I wish that or pray to not let things get to me, that's who I am. Ouchy, yes. But if I didn't feel that way, would I still be me? I guess not.

Depending on which way you chart it, I've either been in the third trimester for one day, it starts today, or on Sunday. This little bean still doesn't kick a whole lot. If he's mellow I don't know how he'll handle this family!

So, in a nutshell, I'm getting back to myself and my family. Even with Lion crying dramatically "You ruined my li-i-i-i-i-i-i-fe!" a few times, we're all ok. (I 'ruin his life' on a daily basis, usually every few hours.) The kids have been troopers and we're all hanging in there until next week, when James will FINALLY be done with his master's degree! We're so, so proud of him. We've missed him a lot these past couple of years, but we know it'll be worth it. Only a few more days...his last assignment is due Tuesday. Then, graduation next Saturday! Maybe, if things settle down at work he'll even blog again!

I'm also giving a shout-out to my little sister Karen. She and I are half-birthday twins, born 5 1//2 years apart to the day. I love her so much! It's been really fun seeing her grow as a mom to an adorable little Pixie who turned 1 year old this month. It's Karen's birthday today, so if you'd like you can go to her blog over at Blivit Contemplations and wish her happy birthday!

I think it's a bit cooler now, so I'm going to try to sleep. Hopefully the rest of you are already in dreamland. Goodnight!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Why I've Been Absent From Life...At Least Blog Life

I feel like a really bad blog friend. No, I am a really bad blog friend.

I haven't read blogs. Or answered my email. Or picked up the phone. I got a friend's phone number and have yet to call.

You see, when the world is overwhelming, I retreat like a turtle. I pull my head into my shell. I've been under a lot of stress lately. Concern about the baby. Getting early contractions and such, insomnia, winded from walking across the room. Heart rate waaaay up. Other non-pregnancy things beyond my control. I probably should reach out to people besides my mom and my sister because I'm sure their ears are about to fall off, but what I end up doing is curling up into a metaphorical ball and wishing it all would go away.

Today, at last, there was some relief.

The best thing that happened to me today was when I got a phone call from a member of the natural foods co-op that I have been running for a year and a half, with the help of another member.

We called a meeting last Friday to do some restructuring and spread the "love" ( around. There was an agenda sent beforehand, what to expect, etc. Nothing should have come as a surprise, and from what I'm hearing didn't for most people.

The lady who called me was very unhappy. She basically likes how things are being run and isn't for more structure. She feels that it's becoming too "rigid". I can see what she means, but on the other end of it, I have had to deal with a lot of issues that no one else knows about except the vice president...and ok, Karen and Mom. They get to hear everything. I understand that not everyone will agree on what is being done to change things, but the majority seems to. I have gotten positive feedback. The hard thing for me is that I can't handle any conflict. I had been putting off the restructuring for that reason. I felt in the last months that I needed to get my ducks in a row, that for whatever reason I needed to be ready to take a less prominent role and get other people more involved. Now I know why. Plus, unless there is structure things don't tend to run well. No one knows what to expect. It's not right for a few people to do everything and the rest do nothing, especially when it's a non-profit type organization.

Stress and I don't get along. I can't help how I react. After that phone call, I was a total mess. I can't imagine how I would have reacted if she would have yelled at me! Thankfully, she didn't. Still, I was a wreck. It wasn't long until my doctor's appointment.

My doctor took one look at my pulse reading, sat down, looked at me with great concern and said "I can tell you're very stressed." We went over the symptoms I have been having such as contractions, cramping and such. She basically ordered me to drop everything I possibly can. She was ready to write notes or even jump on the phone to talk to who she had to. She nearly put me on bedrest. So, that phone call was a blessing in disguise, since it showed the doctor what happens when I'm under too much pressure.

I have loved my calling in the Primary, but I need to give it up, according to the doctor. The co-op is being restructured, with the hardest part done. I am barely able to do housework or anything around the house before I have to lie down. Because I have an order from my doctor, I feel like I can rest easier. It's not as hard to tell someone "I can't because my doctor ordered me not to" than "I can't because I feel like total crap that has been stepped on by a hobnailed boot". That's especially since there are a lot of other pregnant (or recently pregnant) women in my ward, and I don't want to be the "weak one". But like I said, now I have no choice. My and my baby's health depends on how well I take care of us both right now.

That means I may be around to visit more soon, because I will be laying down even more. Once some of this stress is relieved, I can think. I can't focus on anything now except dumb Facebook quizzes or re-reading books like Twilight that don't require any thought. Once I can though, I will be around again.

I miss you.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


This was given to me by Professor while I was on the phone a few days ago. He filled the boxes himself after I gave him my answer. It's kind of hard to see--

It says: Mango? Later? = Later
Yes? = Now
No?= Not Today

He did get his mango. The boy is a fruit fiend.

On Sunday, we went back to church. We had been staying away from all the viruses, since I had gotten sick so much. I (being a counselor) sat with a class in Primary who needed the extra adult.

Princess was very attentive. The child giving the talk wasn't there, so the other counselor asked the children to tell of a time when they obeyed their parents and were blessed because of it. Princess' arm shot straight up into the air. I was quite concerned as she purposefully strode to the podium, certain the she was going to use the opportunity to yell "Poopy!" or something into the microphone. (My kids have done that while waiting for Daddy after church on more than one occasion.) She stood there for a moment, when I decided to help her.

"She's been picking up her toys," I called quietly. Princess didn't hear (or just ignored) me. She stood up straight, looked directly into the microphone and spoke clearly:

"Get dressed, brush teeth, say prayers and go to bed."

Nearly weak from relief, I said "We've been working on that a lot at our house". She was proud of herself, and everyone thought she was cute.

Later that afternoon I was talking to my mother, relating the story. Princess was there with me.

After hearing me tell Mom about it, Princess commented "Yeah, they loved me." I was worried for a moment that I was raising a little prima donna, but after the shock wore away I realized that in her frank, childish way she was just recalling the facts. Princess is very blunt and to the point.

Lion has been having a bit of a rough week since I am on "Barely There Mommy Mode". They've been eating bagels for breakfast nearly every day. Allergies + Rapidly Growing Baby = Super Tired Mom. He's been threatening to run away every day. He runs to the front door, flings it open and yells "I'm running away!" while Princess freaks out--well, she did at first. Now hardly anyone pays attention. I just call out, "Have fun! We'll miss you!"

Within five seconds he shuts it and says, "I'm back!"

That pretty much sums up what's gone on at our house this week.

Monday, March 16, 2009

My Bed is Broken, But I Sure Smell Great!

Ok, so we broke the bed.

Or rather, I didn't, he did.

I knew something strange was happening the night I felt I was sleeping on a steep incline. Our bought-last-year bed had been sagging a bit, and I was worried that it had completely given up the ghost. We have a warranty, but I hate the thought of asking strange men to come look at my bed, so I've put off calling the store. The next day or so, I noticed that the bottom didn't seem level. I pointed it out to James, who inspected the frame and noticed that the frame itself had bent above the wheel. We bought the frame used, and have no idea how old it is but apparently there was a flaw in how the weight was distributed on top of the roller foot.

Now you need a little background information. In the mornings I stay in bed until we have prayer and James kisses me goodbye. I need all the sleep I can get before all the kids get up. I barely remember when he sat on the edge of the bed and it "clunked". That clunk was the frame giving up the ghost. I didn't remember it until he told me about it on Saturday night.

So on Saturday during the day, I went out to get a bedframe. I went to the cheapest place to find one I could think of--Goodwill. They had a very old, 50's or 60's blue frame with "QUEEN?" marked on it and the price: $25. The woman next to me was looking at a short stool. I asked her if she thought the frame looked like a queen. We got to talking, and I mentioned that the bed was broken but I didn't know exactly how it happened.

She exclaimed, "You're pregnant but you don't know how the bed broke?" I'm sure I blushed furiously. Is that the only way people think the bed breaks? Well, I have news for you, ma'am. If the bedframe is old enough, and the bed is heavy enough, it is possible to break it by sitting on it. Don't give me that "knowing look" that I can't see because I won't look at you while I stammer something that makes me look guiltier.

She offered to help me take it out to the van if the employees wouldn't, and suggested that I ask them if I could bring it back if it wasn't a queen. Good idea, so I did. They refused. There was no way I was taking a $25 chance on a frame that could possibly break as well, so I ended up going to the cheapest furniture store in town and purchasing a frame.

That night it was late and we used a wooden stepstool to prop the corner up. We kept it there last night too, since I needed to get some things moved so James could have room to put the mattress. (We have a very small bedroom and I tend to stash things in it.) Tonight while I was in the shower, James decided to surprise me and put the new frame together.

I was in desperate need of that shower. The hot water soothed my aches and felt sooo good. It was blissful! When I got out I reached for a new towel in the basket under the sink. For a moment I thought it was odd that the towel was loosely folded, not rolled. I used it anyway.

I dried myself off, then toweled my hair. The towel smelled marvelous! I don't use fabric softener (our laundry detergent doesn't require it) so I couldn't place the scent. I knew I had smelled it before, but decided since it wasn't malodorous I would just enjoy it. After all, it was probably a little soap or something that got on it since it was in the bathroom. It wasn't until I finished and went to hang it up that I saw it--strawberry seeds and some dried whitish glop. My first thought was strawberry toothpaste, but the seeds were a giveaway that it wasn't that. Then it hit me--I've smelled that on Princess' face before. Any guesses?

Strawberry yogurt.

At least she "cleaned" her face and hands without me telling her to. Maybe I could make something off this discovery. Anyone have the number for Downy fabric softener's new scents division?

James is now done assembling the frame that actually has middle supports so our bed doesn't sag. What a man! I'm exhausted and can't wait to snuggle into my supportive bed feeling fresh, clean, and smelling like a rose.

No, I guess not smelling exactly like a rose. Hopefully James doesn't mind eau de parfum in "Dannon Naturals".

Monday, March 9, 2009

Sonogram? Who? Me?

First, thank you for your sweet words on my last post. They are appreciated so very much! I did some soul-searching and I have you all to thank for helping me remember why it is that I should just be myself and not worry so much. So I will. Be myself, that is. By the way, Mom? Your comment made me cry. I love you!

On to greener pastures...

Why yes, we did have a sonogram yesterday. They only allow three people in besides the mother, no exceptions. We didn't want to pick and choose between the kids, so my brother-in-law Scott watched them and let Karen come with me. It was so nice to have both James and her there. It was special for the kids to hear about it later all together and not have to be divided up. It felt more right that way.

What are we having? Well, to be honest although the sonographer told me it was one of these:

It looked more like one of these:

The little bean didn't want to stay in the same spot, so the pictures were kind of weird. They're always weird, but these were weirder. I usually can see them pretty well, but the profile picture was almost like one of those cool drawings that you have to stare at to see an image appear--except this one didn't appear without the nurse's help. My favorite way of seeing it looked like a cute little baby wearing sunglasses, but the nurse's view was different. I liked mine better.

We found out that I have a somewhat low-lying placenta, so no strenuous activities for the next eight weeks until we have another sonogram. Yep, no heavy lifting. Gee, I wonder what I can come up with? "Sorry, Mommy can't cook anymore because I can't do heavy lifting." I'd be able to fool Princess and Lion, but Professor would cock his head and ask "Mom? Is a spatula really 'heavy lifting'?" Then I'd be forced to admit my deception or lie. He respects me too much for me to be able to lie to him, except about Christmas presents. Darn. (Ok, I admit that I enjoy cooking--when I have a clean kitchen. Which at this moment means I don't enjoy it. Heavy lifting. Ouch.)

Let's see, what else can I tell you...everything looked good. I told my doctor about the contractions and-other-stuff-that's-too-much-information and she said everything looks fine according to the sonogram, but to make sure I keep her informed. Because of the diabetes I have to have a special heart sonogram for the baby, but it's routine. I guess there's more risk of developmental problems with the heart in diabetic mothers. I'm not very concerned since I've been on top of things, but if there was something I'd rather know asap.

What else...oh, she's a wonderful doctor, very gentle-seeming. She even did the unthinkable that no one else would do, SHE CHANGED MY DUE DATE. I was so ecstatic! I knew all of my dates, and no one else would change the due date, and it frustrated me to no end. When I say all the dates I do mean all the dates. She was pretty impressed I knew down to the hour. It was a four day difference from what their estimated date was, and even though they say it's no big deal, at the end it can be.

My babies aren't fully done gestating until nearer their due date, so a few days could be a big deal. If they hadn't changed it and I went the full time they would have said that I was overdue and caused me a lot of grief. They don't like you to go the full time because diabetes tends to help the placenta deteriorate faster even if you're careful, etc. So it's a balance between when it's safe for the baby to be delivered and waiting too long. With Princess I felt very strongly to wait and not let them induce me very early. I was induced with Princess on my due date or the day before, and was told that it was a good thing I waited (instead of being induced 3 weeks early because it was "standard" for gestational diabetes) because she was barely "done" developmentally, and 9 lbs 1 oz. That was even after me having uncontrolled GD for several weeks before being diagnosed. Lion was well over 10 pounds (undiagnosed GD) so there's no issue of me being unable to birth a larger baby. This one should be smaller since I've known I have diabetes from the beginning.

The point of all this is that my doctor trusts me, HOORAY! I like a doctor who treats me as a partner in my own pregnancy.

Oh yeah, I forgot. In case you're wondering, that picture was Princess when she was about three days old. The top picture. Not the other one. Can you see how I fell so completely in love? She got kissed so much I'm surprised her little cheeks didn't disappear. All my kids were adorable babies. I won't say I'm biased, because I have it on good authority that they were.

Well, that's it. I'll keep you updated on anything else that happens.

Oh, and by the way? It's a boy. Princess cried for a while when she found out, but was excited by bedtime. Both she and Lion kissed the baby (ok, my tummy) goodnight. I asked Professor if he wanted to and of course he looked embarrassed. I ruffled his hair and hugged him instead.

I love my kids.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

So Deep, I Might Fall In

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Why? Because I've been catching up on some of your blogs the last couple of days. I smiled, laughed, and had tears brought to my eyes. I had a wonderful time, and I'm not yet finished. Yet, the pity party started.

I don't like myself this way. But the thing is, I really do enjoy writing. I wish I were clever with words on a regular basis, that I had that elusive certain "something" to draw people in. I so admire you. I really, truly do. But I also *gasp* envy you. I'm amazed and flattered that you even come to visit my little blog.

I do my best to be a good mother. This is what I want to do, and I'm learning now to love it in ways that I hadn't been before. I overall enjoy being home with my children, which makes me happy to say because six months ago I didn't enjoy it much. It was nothing they did, just where I was--and it wasn't a very good place. Now, I have no desire to be anywhere else, most times.

The only thing I would like to do is to reach people through writing. I love it. It both nourishes and heals me. As I pour out words, it fills me up at the same time. I would love to have the talent to share those words with others in a way that makes them want--no, compels them to read more.

I am filled with inadequacies. There are things that I do well, and I know that I do. James is always telling me that I don't give myself enough credit. I think that's because I always know I can do better, should do better.

But this writing thing, I don't know why it means a lot to me to have other people enjoy what I say, but I do. Yet when I write something about myself that isn't a funny story, I always fear that I turn people off. There. That was scary to say.

I can't seem to find my blogging niche. I'm not continually any certain way. I'm not routinely funny, or deep, or charming, or controversial in my writing. Not that I'd want to be controversial. I hate conflict.

I worry that people will think I'm fishing for people to feel sorry for me if my thoughts are sad. I'm concerned they'll think I'm bragging if I talk about the wonderful things I love. I fear putting myself out there. The only people I share much of my deep, inner self with are my mom, sister Karen, and James. It feels good to put my feelings down on digital paper, but it's also scary. I don't like feeling exposed. I don't like that I might be judged negatively. I admire my friends who can post their deepest fears and insecurities for everyone to see. There's always part of me that's locked back tight. It's like I can't help but keep back part of myself. I don't know why that is, or how to fix that, or if I even need to. After all, that is part of who I am.

It's a protective mechanism, I suppose. I think it's the part of me that I even hide from myself.

I have always felt things too much. Was attached to things like the trees in the yard when I was a kid. Felt sorry for an ant's family when he got killed. I think I developed a protective box inside me because it hurt when I felt anything too much. Even overwhelmingly good feelings like large amounts of love and joy causes me to feel physically uncomfortable in my chest. I think I keep close watch over the emotional spigot so as not to drown in the flood.

Maybe it doesn't matter and I should say things anyway. But then, would I be giving up too much of myself? I don't know.

I'll probably go to sleep and wake up regretting this post. But now, I'm tired and things like this always seem like a better idea when you're exhausted. That, or I guess I'm too sleepy to care.

By the way, tomorrow we find out what gender the baby is if it's cooperative. Or I guess I should say, today.


Friday, March 6, 2009

Brainwashing Can Be Fun!

Lion is done with his schoolwork for the day, and headed back to pick up where he left off playing with Princess this morning.

What are they doing?

Let me back up a bit.

I woke this morning listening to the happy sounds of children playing in Princess' room. Well, two of them. I heard Professor stomp his way across the hall. "You are too loud and you WOKE ME UP!" Then he stomped back to his bed as I told him to go back to sleep. I got up and asked the other two to keep it down. Professor is not a morning person.

I couldn't understand much of the chatter, but kept hearing the words "yard sale" over and over again. Lion and Princess were playing their own version of Style's program "Clean House" with Princess' dolls. He wasn't happy when it was time for school.

Fast forward to now. School is finished (except for our joint science class) and I told Lion he could go play until lunch. Excited to be free, he ran off to play with his sister. When I peeked in her room, they were seated around her dollhouse on the floor. I just heard one of them ask "How much did we make?" My assumption is that they're in the post yard sale/decorating stage.

Lion: "Now take off your blindfolds and open your eyes!"

Princess: *gasp* "Oh, it's so beautiful!"

I'm looking forward to seeing the finished product.

Brainwashed children? Yes. Worth it?


(By the way, today I'm posting a before and after on my decluttering blog. Don't look for it until later tonight, though!)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

While We're on the Subject of Clutter...

...I started another blog. I think it will be a big help to me. I've struggled with clutter nearly all my life, and it's liberating to find ways to get it out of my house!

Now that I know how to put pictures on my laptop, I plan on doing some "before and after" posts.

Wish me luck! No...just come visit!

*Waves Timidly* Anyone Still There?

Ok, so that was longer than two weeks.

Having a blog break was refreshing. I have made some significant changes in my life in the last few weeks, which means that my family is much happier.

I actually have been nearly hyperventilating at the thought of coming back, because unfortunately my blog life was back when I began these changes, and even though I love blogging I never want to go back to before.

Why? Well, that's simple. My life was a mess. My house was a mess. We were the perfect candidate for one of those house decluttering shows. You see, when I get very panicked, stressed, and anxious, I get depressed. I feel paralyzed. My house suffers dreadfully, and my kids suffer from no routine, no set mealtimes, no clean underwear. My husband suffers from having a depressed wife who is in panic mode all the time, and has no idea where his socks are. I was so overwhelmed, and didn't know what to do anymore. Things were starting to get better when I wrote my last couple of posts. Little did I know that that was the beginning to some beautiful changes that have brought a lot of peace to our home.

I'm going to bare my soul here, and I hope that you'll be understanding and not judge me too harshly.

Those of you who don't struggle with holding on to too much stuff, having clutter around, dealing with anxiety, feeling like everything's falling on top of you at once won't get this. They'll think "Well, just wash the darn dishes already!" But with anything that's rooted in fear of change and in your emotions, the outside is just reflecting on what's inside. My tumultous house was just a reflection of my inner self. So what happened?

I had been reading my scriptures faithfully. I had started praying more fervently. I began to feel supported by the Lord because I was reaching out to Him. That Saturday, at the very beginning of February, I decided that even though the entire house was a wreck and was overwhelming, I would clean up the kitchen. Not perfectly, but enough that the table was clear, dishes were all done, and I could cook easily without doing a balancing act. So I did. It took me the better part of two days, but it was clean. That was the one room that I could walk into without beginning to have a panic attack and running to bury my head in the computer before I was pulled under. I vowed that if nothing else, I would keep the kitchen reasonably clean. It didn't have to be perfect, but reasonably clean (OUT, dang perfectionism!). So I did. Even though I got sick again that week, I held onto that kitchen for dear life!

By the next weekend, it had become a habit. I'm going to share something else with you that only some of you will understand. If you're a person who struggles with change, any change is going to be stressful. We had done "Big Cleanups" before, but the house was back to chaos within a week. Even though I loved it clean, underneath it made me uncomfortable because that wasn't what I was used to. Sound crazy, but 'tis true.

So, the next weekend I tackled Princess' room. She was pretty upset that her room was such a wreck that she couldn't play in it. I worked and worked in it, and it's almost clean. We decluttered a lot (You can't keep clutter organized!) to make it easier for her to keep clean. I have a small box of stuff to go through, and about 20 minutes will fix her closet. The remainder of that week I kept the kitchen reasonably clean and helped her to keep her room clean. Most nights now she does it without much fuss, because she knows where everything goes. I've learned if a child has too many choices they don't play with much of anything because it's overwhelming. They're better off with fewer choices. I also learned that I shouldn't keep something because I think it's cute or that she should play with it, if she didn't like it, out it went.

You can probably guess what's happened from there. Each weekend I do something different, and add it to my list of rooms to keep reasonably clean. I've watched countless episodes of Clean House and visited almost daily for inspiration and motivation. I've been teaching the kids to pitch in, and it's helping with their confidence and self-esteem. They're happier because I cook them breakfast every morning (except for Cereal Saturday Mornings!) They love knowing that schooltime is from after breakfast to lunchtime. They love knowing they have snacktime. They enjoy that I'm baking often and making tasty meals. (Well, most of them. Lion doth protest much at many things.) If there's a day that I'm feeling really sick, that's ok. I tell myself that it's not the end of the world and I can pick back up on it the next day.

Right now I'm looking at a living room that needs picking up and clean clothes to be put away, but that's ok. I'm not wading in paper, toys, and dirty clothes. I'm not stepping on tortilla chip bags that the kids have thrown on the carpet. I'll do what I can. I've been getting contractions much earlier with this baby than the others, especially when I'm tired or have been doing a lot. That means I should rest, and I'm doing my best to do that. I'm settled in knowing that I'm decluttering and cleaning my house in layers, and that's ok. By making these changes slowly they will stick. Lion used to tell me we needed someone to come help us clean the house (from watching Clean House) and now he says that we don't need them, we can do it ourselves. That right there is worth it all, folks.

This past week I've found myself longing for my bloggy friends. I miss you. I miss your humor, your warmth, your genuineness, your love. That's why I'm back. I have other things to tell you, including a couple of humorous things, but those can wait until later--if I remember them!

The bit of news I will leave you with now is that I'm having a sonogram on March 9th, a week from tomorrow. We will be finding out what the baby is if possible. I met my new doctor, and I really like her. I'm excited about the months ahead. I knew that I couldn't bring a new baby into the situation we had, and now that our family is pulling together and establishing new routines, we'll be able to enjoy our little one by the end of July.

I'm heading off to begin catching up on what I've missed. I know that I won't be able to catch up on all the posts I haven't read, so if anything very significant has happened that you want to let me know about, email me! If nothing else, send me the link to that particular post.

See you all soon!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Stepping Out Momentarily

I'm editing this because my crazy brain forgot the very thing I wanted to start this post off with. Thank you all so much for your heartfelt comments on my last post. They all meant so much to me. You are wonderful friends and your support means a lot!

I hate to do this because I'll miss everyone a LOT, but I'm going to take a little bloggy break. I'm sick again, but I'm thankful (oh SO thankful!) that it's not the stomach thing. Princess and I came down with it together, so we must have gotten it in the fifteen minutes we were at the store! I've been avoiding public places, but sometimes a girl's gotta go shopping, especially when you're out of things to make decent meals with! The nice thing is getting to cuddle with my baby. She likes to do "girl things" together, and wanted me to take a nap with her. She crawled into my bed, and I held her. She was asleep within three minutes.

I love to see my children sleeping. She had such a beautiful, cherubic look on her flushed little face. I would have loved to stay there, but had to get up to check blood sugar as I had taken extra insulin to handle the peanut M&Ms I gave in to. Not the best thing to do when ill, but sometimes you just need chocolate!

Overall, it's been pleasant. These past few days have been wonderful! I feel like the Lord is blessing me to have the strength I've needed to get a routine in the house, and the kids are behaving so much better. They do so well (Whoo! Felt baby kick just now--or should I say flutter?) and the difference in their attitudes have been amazing. I'm getting more love and hugs from Professor, Lion isn't melting down as often, and there has been much, much less fighting. It's scary how everything really boils down to my attitude, planning, and gospel study. Strength from the Lord is what's holding me up, because I can't do it on my own.

I know a lot of this can be attributed to the challenge over at Michal's Healthy Habits blog where I'm participating in a scripture study challenge. I study some every day, and it was the beginning of this week where I really started feeling the difference. After the blessing James gave me last week I started feeling more hope and guidance, and feel I'm being blessed with inspiration because I'm making a big effort to take care of my spiritual needs daily.

So, rather than keep posting about illness and such, I'm going to step back from everything for a bit to rest. We're finally getting a laptop in the next couple of weeks, so that will make it easier for me to work more on my book and read blogs. I also need to work on the house as much as possible to attain the sort of organization we need to have in place before the baby's born. I'm so proud of the kids, they're learning to take more responsibility. In fact, this afternoon Professor put his first load of laundry in the wash. It makes him feel grown up to help. I'll take that attitude while I can! I only hope it lasts when he's a teenager...

I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'm sure that as soon as I announce this I'll think of something to blog! It may be a few days to a couple of weeks, but I will be back when I have something remotely interesting to say...or something I can't stop thinking about.

I hope if there's any big news or anything you all will feel free to email me! (Email address is on the sidebar.)


Monday, February 2, 2009

Letting Go of the Cliff

I've had a lot of ponderous moments lately.

I've been struggling with a lot lately, and no matter how much I prayed or how often I studied my scriptures, the tears kept coming. I would fight the awful, overwhelming feelings and keep them at bay for a while, until something would trigger the flood.

I don't like myself this way. I hate it when things aren't in my control. I like being in control.

For years I couldn't allow myself to fall asleep in the car unless I was so tired I couldn't help it. There were a few occasions when I was a teenager when I was with friends and nearly was in an accident. At those moments I hadn't been looking at the road, even though I wasn't the driver. The fear grew that bad things only happened when I wasn't looking. I knew that I wasn't all powerful, and that those times were just coincidence, but the fear was born nonetheless.

It wasn't until this last trip to spend the New Year's holiday with my in-laws that I finally decided to let go of this particular fear. James knew I was exhausted and told me to sleep. I knew that he would keep us safe and that I should trust him, so I snuggled my pillow and fell asleep for about 30 minutes. "See?" James said after I woke, "Nothing happened." Of course not. I felt safe with him.

I have a hard time letting go of my life and trusting Heavenly Father. I feel that if I have a death grip on what is around me, mainly my life and my children, that I will punish myself enough that nothing worse can happen to anyone. My irrational subconscious thinking is that if I give myself enough of a trial that the Lord will say something like the following: "She's punishing herself enough. I don't need to do anything drastic like take one of her children or allow them to have a terminal illness, take her home before her kids grow up, incapacitate her husband" etc, etc. Because of this I cling on to whatever control I have. My fears aren't something I consciously think about, but they are so scarily real. I don't obsess about my children's safety, but it's something that's always in the back of my mind.

The crazy thing is that our life isn't free of trials when I do this. My second son has dealt with and is dealing with developmental delays that require a lot of extra patience and understanding, which doesn't come easily to me. My health has been frustrating and a concern. My husband has been wearing himself out with work and school these past years and I get worried about him. We don't know what will happen with this pregnancy. Each day is a struggle and a blessing, both. But aren't they all?

Why should I be so afraid of 'worse'? What I'm dealing with isn't nearly as big of a trial as many have, but in our reality it's no small potatoes either. Between those struggles, the depression I've been dealing with and the utter lack of organization around here (extra serving of guilt, anyone?) I'm surprised I've been keeping it together so long. Well, I guess I have barely been keeping it together. No, it's been crumbling around me.

Last week when I was at the end of my rope I asked James for a blessing. It was beautiful, by the Spirit and just what I needed to hear. Combined with our discussion earlier on trusting the Lord when we had family scripture study, I had a lot to think about.

During scripture study I told the kids about the story of the man who found himself falling off a cliff. He loudly begged the Lord to save him. Out of nowhere a tree growing out the side of the cliff broke his fall.

As he hung there precariously, breath coming in ragged gasps, he cried out, "Never mind Lord, I got it!"

While lying in bed that night after the blessing, I thought about this story. Suddenly an image of a rope ladder came to mind. The picture in my head was of me clinging onto a rope ladder that Jesus was holding over the cliff's overhang. I had no recollection of how I got there, but the fear was almost tangible as I dug my fingers into the dark, semi-moist soil, scared to death to let go and hang on to only the ladder as it swung freely in mid-air, twisting and turning. I knew that the Lord would pull me up quickly. There was no way he was going to let me fall. Still, the thought of letting go was paralyzing. I knew I was going to have to soon whether I wanted to or not, as my fingers would begin to cramp. I wasn't saving myself at all. In actuality, clinging to the cliff's side was doing nothing but hurting me, causing more fear, and prolonging my rescue.

I have rarely had thoughts this vivid, and this one has been a great source of contemplation and comfort. That image has stayed in my mind where I think on it daily, and have been slowly giving myself over to my Heavenly Father. I have told Him in great length about my trouble letting go, even though He already knows about it. Bit by bit I am letting go of that cliff side, so He can pull me up.

Usually I would keep something this special to me to myself. For some reason I feel compelled to share it with you. So I have.

I don't know what else to say except that this isn't going to be an overnight change. I wish it were, but it's not. But today was the best day I've had in a very long time. I was able to face it, be a proper mother to my children and even played games with them. An overall wonderful day, even with the little challenges we had. My attitude was different, and that made a world of difference to the rest of the family. It made a world of difference to our house, too. Usually before a doctor's appointment I have so much anxiety that I retreat inward so as not to fall apart. I barely thought of my appointment tomorrow at all, which was miraculous in itself.

My fingers were becoming so cramped holding on to that cliff that I almost forgot that I don't have to hurt them like that, every muscle screaming for relief. It feels much better to let go.

So much better.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Help Heather Help a Family Affected By Cancer

Heather of the EO is doing a wonderful, kind thing. For every comment on this post, she's donating $1 to the family of a little girl with terminal cancer. I'm turning comments off on my post so you can go over and comment on hers.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

That's MY Rutabaga!

It's currently After-Lunch-Quiet-Time at our house. I've recently decided to reinstate it.

All three children were in Princess' room playing. I didn't know what they were doing until Professor came out just now and said "Mom, do you know what we're playing in there?"


"Iron Chef America. And the secret ingredient is vegetables."

"That sounds like fun!"

Then he ran back to the room. I smiled at the creativity and harmony that was reigning in our home.

Not one minute later, Princess started crying. Professor came out to tell me that Lion had just been hitting her over the head with the chef's hat. It turned out that they both were fighting over the same vegetable. I'm glad that the chefs in the real Kitchen Stadium don't do this. Although, it would make for an even more interesting show..."The challenger is beating Iron Chef Mario Batali over the head with a radish after they both reached for the same head of cauliflower."

Excuse me while I go scream--

Ok, all better now.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Seven Things About Me That You Never....Oh, Crud.

Hi! *waves* I didn't fall off the face of the earth. I was just sick yet AGAIN for this past week, but I'll spare you the sordid details. Trust me, you want to be spared. As a result I've chained myself and the kids to the house for the next few weeks so that our immune systems can build up some reserves.

After being gone a week (ok, over a week) I was wondering what on earth to write. I had a few thoughts, but they're too deep (or disturbing) for a "Here I am again!" post. Then I discovered that Heidi was kind enough to tag me for the "Seven Things About Me That You Never Knew" tag.

Hooray, I thought. Something to write about!

Then I promptly remembered how boring I really am.

Thankfully I have a hot--I mean wonderful husband who helped me get my brain cells running. First, I have to ban a few people. My mother and my sister Karen. There's nothing I could say that they don't know about me. There. They're officially banned from reading this post. Here goes:

1. I am thirty years old and have never flown in a commercial airplane. My boss, a dentist, took me up in a private plane when I was 18. Thinking about it, that sounds bad. Actually, he knew I'd never been in one at all, had a small plane, and asked me if I wanted to go one day when he was taking his young son up for a few turns about the countryside. I think he called it "touch and go" because we'd go up, fly in a big circle, land for a moment then go up again. It was only scary after we came down the first time and he leaned over me and reached for the door. "Your door isn't latched." Good think I didn't know about it when we were up in the air!

2. I think I have mentioned how the smell of dried ketchup grosses me out. If you think that's weird, I can't eat ketchup by itself at all. I love it on french fries or my veggie burgers, but if a drip gets on my hand after the burger's gone it almost makes me gag to lick it off. So, Rebecca + lonely ketchup = double icky ew. I would also rather my tongue get run over by a steamroller rather than eat black walnuts, blackeyed peas (dirt stew, anyone?) or okra.

3. I love to watch Food Network, especially Alton Brown. That guy is the god of all kitchen knowledge. I bow to his expertise. I also love watching house cleaning shows, where they surprise people with clean houses. I would volunteer to be on one but then everyone would know how messy my house is. Instead I have to keep chipping at it away slowly by myself. What else, lets see...nature shows on National Geographic, Animal Planet and the History Channel. I count those for school for the kids. Funny thing is that they all like watching the other shows with me too. I've been watching more lately since I've been stuck on the couch. At least they inspire me--well, the cooking and cleaning ones do. I think the animal ones inspire the kids.

4. I've lived in New York, (was born there) South Carolina, Florida, Maryland, West Virginia, Missouri, and Utah. Never been further west than Utah. I miss the east coast. We left it when I was eleven, but I really miss the beauty of the seasons. In West Virginia, we lived in Great Cacapon, this little tiny town. To get to it you would take the 'scenic route' which consisted of a scary road on a mountain. From the scenic point (an actual stopping place) you could see Virginia, Pennsylvania, West Virginia and Maryland all at once. It was so beautiful there. *sniff*

5. Without my glasses or contacts, I'm way past legally blind. Which isn't actually legally blind at all, since it's correctable, but it helps people understand how absolutely dire my condition is. My mother used to think it great fun to make faces at me when I wasn't wearing my glasses. She would say "What am I doing now?" and I would say, "I think you're sticking out your tongue because I can see something coming out of your face." We were easily entertained. Oh, and I also had a hole in my retina when I was seventeen. The doctor fixed it with a laser and it really hurt. Afterwards I told him it had hurt. Surprised, he said "Really? It must have been close to a nerve." Some nerve that was. He was a great doctor though, did such a great job there's nearly no scar tissue there.

6. I took dance when I was four years old and loved it so, so much. We couldn't afford to continue, but I always wanted to dance. When I was a teenager and single adult I learned all I could and danced as much at the dances as I could. Ballroom dance was my favorite. I used to teach the guys I danced with to swing dance. I used to beg those who came back from taking dance at BYU to teach me some moves. Someday I'm going to take classes. James has promised to take ballroom with me when our kids are older and we can leave Professor home in charge. A few more years and hooray, free babysitting!

7. I'm on a roll now, only seven? Ok. How about this. My first, biggest crush ever was on Doogie Howser. Remember that show about the teenage prodigy/doctor? I loved him so much that it hurt! I hated, HATED his girlfriend Wanda and was full of angst that he would even go for a girl like her who wasn't worthy to wash his scrubs. Then I hated myself for feeling so much emotion over a character that wasn't even real. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't help it! Doogie was cute and waaay smart. Goes to show that even at eleven years old I had a thing for good-looking, super intelligent guys. Then I look at James and say "Who's Doogie? Oh yeah. I married him." Except James is way better looking and fixes computers instead of people. We don't require many surgeries around here, so I'm glad he fixes computers. Ours is always running top notch.

I'm guessing that I'm supposed to tag seven people? goes. I don't remember who's been tagged for this or not, so if you already have, time to think of seven more things!


L.T. (Hee hee, you had to know this was coming!)


Kimberly (who never did the last one I tagged her with so she owes me, *evil cackle*)


Karen (who doesn't owe me because I just remembered that I forgot to do her tag months ago, but it would be fun to see her answers. Also, I know she'll read this even though she was banned from the post. Consider this punishment, dear sister!)

Nancy Face



Whoops! Is that more than seven? Oh well.

Friday, January 16, 2009

C-a-a-n You Feel the Love To-n-i-i-i-g-h-t

If you don't want to read any more of my 'icky' posts, skip this one. I know I've had way too many of them this winter, but I can assure you, if I could stop these experiences from happening I would!

It's after 1:00 in the morning and I'm still up. I got caught up in reading blogs while waiting until it was time to take my 24-hour insulin.

I was planning to go to bed. But I didn't. It got later and later, and at about midnight, just as I was about to turn in, I heard the boys' door open. It was Lion.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He's not usually a get-up-in-the-middle-of-the-nighter.

"I have to go poop." That was unusual.

"Go ahead."

I asked him sometime when he was up if he had to barf, and he said no. I don't know why I asked him that, except that Princess, Professor and I all had the throwing up illness twice. One with a 36-48 hour incubation period, and another with about a 3 day incubation. Princess came down with it last on Sunday night, (actually 3:30 Monday morning) so I thought we were about all in the clear. Lion was the only one who didn't have it. James had it once.

Lion went back to bed and I stayed up. I didn't know why. I let the dog out and was ready to get off the computer when I heard his door creak open.

"Mommy, I'm going to barf." Talk about a mother's intuition.

I jumped up, words stumbling out of my mouth as I ran around the corner. "Quick, barf in the toilet, hurry--" One look at him and I knew he wasn't going to make it. I looked at the floor in desperation. There was a clear storage bin sitting there among dirty towels, a toy stroller, a rug cleaner and other junk; shining as if illuminated from a light from above. My personal Holy Grail. I grabbed it as he started choking and spatters began hitting the floor. I shoved that thing underneath my poor baby just in time. I tried to hold my breath, rubbing his back as he heaved repeatedly. My queasy pregnant tummy couldn't handle it. I desperately wanted to stay until the end, but I choked out "Sit down!"as lovingly as I could as I placed the bin on the floor and ran away. Yep, I ran away from my child in his moment of need. Reaching the living room, I gasped for air, praying it wasn't too late for my tummy. The waves of nausea slowly subsided, and Lion was freed from the pain of having a puking partner for the same bin.

I got him a new pair of pajamas, and he snuggled back into bed with the aptly named "barf bucket". It's a white bucket with a handle that used to hold several pounds of peanut butter. Every family has their special bucket. If you don't, you should. James' family mentions the "blue bowl" or was it the "blue pan". I don't remember, but even I know what they're referring to when they say it. The only requirement for the bucket that it be large enough the situation, and small enough that anyone in the family can cling to it desperately without falling in.

After he was safely in bed, I used the towels on the tiny bit of mess left, took care of the no-longer-shining bin, and sat back at the computer. I knew that Round Two couldn't be far ahead. I was not disappointed.

Poor guy. After he was finished, he went to sleep. And I'm still up. He's growing up so fast. He'll be seven years old on Saturday. At least he'll be better for his birthday. I'll write more about him later, as this mommy needs to sleep. But he hit a milestone today. Lost his first tooth two nights ago, but this one is bigger.

This is the very first time ever that he's run out of his room saying he needed to barf, instead of upchucking over his entire bed. Professor did that too for the first time a month ago. What? Two kids who won't need their bedding changed three times a night when they're sick? I think they're growing up too fast, but this is heavenly!

I'm glad I stayed up, otherwise I would have had a big mess to clean. At least it wouldn't have been bedding, although that giant food storage bag of potato flakes sitting in the hallway wouldn't have fared well. (Hey, no judging! I haven't figured out where to put it yet!) I'm not happy with the level of clutter in the house, but at least that pan was there. Oh, I'm in love with that pan right now. I'm learning to be happy with little things.

When I conquer the clutter? I'll just keep empty bins everywhere. Or maybe just wastebaskets by each bed, and tell them if they ever wake up sick to barf in them. Hopefully they'd remember. Ok, I'm rambling again, so goodnight.

I think I may be too excited by this milestone to sleep!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Writing Blog Update and Book Recommendation, Edited to Add

Thanks to all who stopped by my 100th post! Baring myself was exciting and liberating! I have made my writing blog private, so if you would like to watch as I fumble through writing, email me and I'll send you an invitation.* My email address is on my sidebar. If you want to wait until it becomes a bestseller (haha) that's ok too.

I will be asking for feedback when I get further into the story. Right now, I would get too bogged down in rewriting the first chapters and not ever finish the whole thing. I already know that I need some extensive rewriting of the first two chapters, but I want to plod on with the story until I get a significant amount of it done first. I did rewrite the prologue, which throws off the tone of the first chapter some, but in the end it will all be fine. Hopefully, anyway.

Last night James picked up a copy of Heidi Ashworth's "Miss Delacourt Speaks Her Mind" from the library. I highly recommend it, especially if you're a fan of Jane Austen type stories. It was witty, fun and refreshing! Sir Anthony actually reminds me a little of James before he met me. I found myself giggling girlishly over nearly every page! Ginny is the perfect heroine, and Sir Anthony the type of steel every woman wishes to temper. I laughed out loud in several places, mostly at Lucinda and Lord Avery. I would tell you more but then I'd have to kill you. Nope, actually Heidi might kill me if I did! It's best if you find out the deliciousness that is this book on your own. I recommend reading it in bed with a box of chocolates. I had to forgo the chocolates, but it was quite tasty in its own right! Kudos to Ms. Ashworth!

*I'm editing this post to add that the reason I'm going private with the writing blog is because of my paranoia. I can't bear to not know who's reading it. I'm ok with that on this blog, but that one is different. My imagination will go crazy with thoughts of who's reading and why, that it must be pure poopy, people are laughing at me, things that will keep me from focusing on the story. I have the hope that by keeping it open to people who are even slightly interested I'll get the motivation to keep plugging away at it. It's not from any notion that I think my ideas are so fantastic that they must be kept secret, it's because of my all too wild imagination!

Monday, January 12, 2009


Cue the trumpets!

This is my 100th post.

I've been wracking my brain on exactly what to do for this post. I know some bloggers do giveaways or really cool things like contests, but I'm not that cool.

I love to blog. I love reading your blogs. The honesty, hilarity and soul-searching you all do have me in awe. Thank you for coming over to see me! You have all touched my life in many ways. I would write some deep, soul-stirring post about how much your words mean to me, but I wouldn't know what to say.

I do, however, know how to embarrass myself. I will celebrate my 100th post by baring myself for everyone. No, not like that! Well, it was almost like that.

I'm in the Primary presidency at church. (For you non-LDS readers, it's the church's organization for children.) Part of my Sunday duties include running around getting things for teachers, meeting with the other presidency members, making sure no one is clogging up the toilet with toilet paper, etc.

Our Primary room has a different setup. We have a long, rectangular room. There are dividers that we pull open that will hook together to make four rooms on the sides of the big room, two on each side. If we have those closed, we either have to open the divider to get into the room, or walk up to the head of the room, turn to a little tiny alcove, and there's a door.

Yesterday I was so happy that I was prepared for church, and had my clothes all ready. I figured that even though this particular skirt had been big, my slightly larger pregnant tummy would fill it out enough to wear. I didn't see the hole that I thought I had repaired, so at church I went to the library to staple it. That done, I went back to the main room to bring something to the teacher in the back right classroom, the one you need to go behind into the alcove to get to.

I finished with them, and turned to go back to the rest of the presidency who were seated at a table not three feet away. Standing to the side was the spouse of the secretary, the counselor over the Primary.

As I walked towards them, I tripped on something. It was my skirt. I exclaimed "Oh, my!" and jumped back out of the view of the counselor, grabbing my skirt and jumping backwards in one fluid motion. I don't know if he knew what was going on until his wife told him to move back out of sight. I slipped my skirt on, thankful that I had worn a slip, while the Primary president nearly fell out of her chair laughing. It was a good thing that door hadn't opened as the class has about seven boys. What could have made it even worse? It was Professor's class. Oh, yeah.

Needless to say, I headed back to the library to staple my skirt tighter. My sister was there with her baby. Her words when I told her? "Oh, no! That's awesome!" Yep, we rejoice in each other's (Is that correct punctuation, Annette?) tragedies.

So, I figure, what better way to further celebrate my 100th post than to bare myself even further! No, definitely not what you're thinking. Shame on you.

I've been s-l-o-w-l-y attempting to write a book. I've debated back and forth about sharing any of it with anyone who's not family, but I've decided to choke back the fear (Thanks, Kimberly!) and do it. I'll only leave it up a day (or at least an hour) before making it private again.

Maybe it's not the best idea for me to do this, but what the heck. I'm writing it for my children. It's a series of bedtime stories I made up for them that they loved so much I want to write them down. Professor gets after me when I don't work on it for a long while, and he loves to read each new installment. I'm not the kind of writer who gets into tons of detail and endless worlds like Robert Jordan or JK Rowling, I often wonder why I'm even trying when there are scads of people with lots of imagination and gobs of talent. Then I remind myself that it's for me, for my children, and I keep plodding on with my simple story. At this rate it'll be finished in time for my grandchildren.

The only thing I ask is that you leave a comment on this post. I know that there are some of you who visit me on a regular basis, but haven't ever commented. As of now, I grant clemency. I'd like to know who reads the stuff I write! It's ok if you know me in real life or have been reading for a while. (I hate the term lurker!) Please let me know you stopped by. I'm not a person who begs for comments, but I'm hoping you'll indulge me on my celebratory day!

Here's the book--er--thing. Well, the first couple of chapters. I'm into the sixth, but I'm not ready to post them all yet.

Please be kind. I'm not looking for a lot of criticism at this point in its infancy, just sharing it with anyone who might be interested. (Hi, Mom!) Of course, if there's something glaringly wrong or confusing, let me know. If you're still here, thank you for reading. You all make my day, over and over again.

Well, enough jibber-jabber. Here it is: Knights of the Forest

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Who's Googling Now?

It's time for another edition of........."Who's Googling Now?"

I have to wonder why people Google some of these things. Here are two dozen of the searches that this blog has popped up on since last summer. Oh me, oh my!

1. "dirty limiriks" First you have learn how to spell 'limerick'. Next...well, shame on you.

2. "watching the great mouse last night" Are you referring to Mickey Mouse, or is your only form of entertainment watching an oversized mouse run around your living room? Or maybe by "great" you mean as in a really cool, wonderful mouse. To each his own, I guess.

3. "very strange dreams" Yes. I have those. Often.

4. "mushrooms growing under toilet" Not anymore. James fixed our leaky toilet problem.

5. "becoming superhuman" Should I notify the authorities on this one? I hope there is no one out there who's discovered how to become the next Hulk. Sorry I couldn't help you here, buddy.

6. "i love him but i'm moving away" I'm so sorry to hear it. I would, however, like more information. Are you referring to your boyfriend, your mailman, the guy who gives you free cookies at the sandwich shop, or maybe your hair stylist?

7. "I'm blind" "new glasses"?authority=n" Huh? If anyone gets this, let me know please.

8. "super bowl logos" If you're designing, you're looking in the wrong place.

9. "drowning in pee" If that's the case, why are you on the internet? Don't you know it's not safe to use electronics around liquid?

10. "who is googling now " Ok, that's just creepy.

11. "toilet paper bikini" I hope you know that won't last two seconds once you hit the water.

12. "It's like hey I know who's googling." From some of these, you can bet I wish I did. Well...on second thought, some of

13. "moving away forever" I'd like to see you have a better reason than I did. (Warning. Most humiliating post I have on this blog.)

14. "new household needs" Since you asked, I could use a few things. Thanks.

15. "pregnancy walmart fried chicken" Are you asking if it's safe during pregnancy? I seriously doubt it.

16. "i don't want to be a phlebotomist" I don't think it's required or anything. Who has told you otherwise?

17. "how do you develop a more positive self-esteem?" There are many ways. Refer to #13 for one of the ways best not to do it.

18. "what's wrong with latex gloves" Not much unless you're allergic or they have holes.

19. "latex gloves of lady doctor" Why does the doctor's gender matter? I'm glad they use gloves, but those suckers are always cold. Maybe I should invent a latex glove warmer.

20. "way of thinking is becoming more positive" That's wonderful!

21. "rubber glove hand gag" I think someone is obsessed with gloves. Either that, or wants to play a joke on someone terrified of germs.

22. "my foot" swollen blogurl:" Perhaps you should see a doctor, especially if your blog url is that swollen.

23. "growing mushrooms on toilet paper" As long as it's fresh toilet paper, I don't see why not.

24. "why am I constantly misplacing things?" I don't know how you think I can help you. If you find the answer, let me know!

That's it for this edition of "Who's Googling Now?"

Leave your tips in the hat below. Thanks and have a great day!

Monday, January 5, 2009

When Family Home Evening Takes an Unexpected Turn

We were sadly unprepared for Family Home Evening tonight. Before it started James and I were racking our tired brains for ideas.

Me: "Do you have an idea for a lesson?"

Him: "No."

Me: "How about a New Year's resolution for our family?"

Him: *crickets chirping*

Him: "How about listening to the Holy Spirit?"

Me: "Sounds great."

Him: "Kids, it's time for Family Home Evening!"

James told them the story of how two Thanksgivings ago, we were saved from hitting a deer or two on the highway because I felt prompted to wait and pray for safety. Great lesson. Professor listened in his usual awe, Lion halfway did and Princess paid no attention. Typical unplanned FHE.

Then somehow the kids got on the subject of what to name the baby. I think Lion asked about it. Then they started coming up with names. Here is a list, not in its entirety. I can't remember all of them, and refuse to post some of them because when kids get silly, random body parts are supposedly allowable names for a sibling. I guess I should accept that, since they've used them on each other before. There were also crazy made-up ones that I forgot as soon as I heard them.

Anakin Skywalker
Darth Vader (suggested multiple times by Lion. They watched Star Wars for the first time on New Year's.)
Luke Skywalker
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Glacier (Suggested several times by Professor with a very hopeful voice)
James Junior, nicknamed JJ
Jaden (There's a kid in Lion's Primary class whose name is Jaidon)

I wish I could remember more, but I was laughing too hard. My mind is a sieve anyway, and most things fall through even when I'm not pregnant. When I am, well, it's a good thing I don't run a country or anything.

My vote is for the most original one. Princess came up with it. Every kid in the world wishes to have a name so cool. Ready?


Are you sure?

Ok, here it is:

Elephant Toot-Toot.

What kid wouldn't love that name? He/she wouldn't have to worry about insults, because he/she'd already have one built in.

And I have to admit, 'Glacier' is kind of cool. Haha. I just made a joke without realizing it. But our kids have more traditional names, so it wouldn't fit in our family. Maybe I can sell it to a celebrity for a couple mil.

See the great experiences you can share when you have a family night?

Ah, the memories.