Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Top 3 Things to Not Do Before Christmas

# 3: Don't not clean your house for several weeks, no matter how you've been feeling. You may have a breakdown a few days before Christmas. If this happens, remember that all you need is a slightly clear space around the tree to take pictures.

# 2: Don't step on a patch of ice even if you have on a pair of boots and there's no way around it. Just don't do it. However, if you do it, make sure you go to your wonderful chiropractor whose feet you could kiss. He will reassure you that you just strained your shoulder and although it feels like it's been kicked out of place by a mule, that you will be fine. He will also say that even if your upper back is out (which he will so deftly squash back into place) the fall may have actually helped you a bit. Smile at the silver lining.

#1: Do not, under any circumstances, go to Walmart the Monday before Christmas. If you do, do not, under any circumstances lose your eight-year-old son and three-year-old daughter. You will leave your cart, dragging your six-year-old son with you around lines and lines of people to the customer service desk, where you will run to the head of the line and begin crying as you frantically tell everyone you lost two of your kids. You may be so worried that you tell the employee helping you that your daughter is four when she's actually three, because you were thinking of her clothing size. To her credit, she doesn't bat an eye. When your children are returned to you, by all means fall down in the middle of the department, hugging your children and crying and telling them to never do that to you again. Hope that all the people standing in the line that extends around the corner remember what Christmas is all about. Also, be very very thankful that you taught your eight-year-old what to do if lost. He may hold on tightly to his sister and go to the nearest counter to ask for help. Finding this out may make you cry even more. If you realize that it's time for your husband to get off work and call him to tell him the chiropractor is still open (in case he fell on the ice too), he may not go there. He may come to Walmart instead to rescue you because he hears the tension and the tears behind your voice.

And if these three things happen, count your blessings. Then blog about them.

Merry Christmas!


Annette Lyon said...

Just what you needed for Christmas--a coronary! Glad it all turned out all right. Losing my kids is about my worst nightmare. Merry Christmas!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Ahh, that's so sweet! Glad you're okay. What a prince your guy is!

James said...

I couldn't agree more about the not stepping on ice part. I might add that you shouldn't ever do that while carrying your three-year-old daughter into church. You might nearly kill yourself while twisting and trying to hold her up in the air while you're on your way down so you don't land on her.

I'm glad you taught Professor what to do if he ever got separated from us. I'm also glad he did the big-brotherly thing and took care of his little princess.

Jeni said...

What a rough week! It's almost over! Glad your oldest is a smart kid...he should get extra presents under the tree this year.

Nancy Face said...


mindyluwho said...

What not to do during the Christmas season:

Do not read posts like this or you may find yourself crying like a silly goose while trying to type.

I'm so glad everything worked out ok! I've felt the terror of losing a couple of children at Target before, and of leaving a child at a resturant in a town far, far away from where I not fun.

Merry Christmas!

Jen said...

How very true. I hope your Christmas week improved! Happy new Year!