Thursday, December 18, 2008

My Superpower

Yes, you heard me correctly. I have a superpower. It comes and goes, this is the fourth time its presence has graced my life. Thank you to all who have left such nice comments on my posts, and I'll come visit you as the superpower lets me.

This superpower lasts nine months at a time.

It arrives with each pregnancy. I wish it helped the masses, but it's only fruitful for those who, well, like fruit.

I now have a sense of Super Smell.

And by Super Smell I don't mean that I stink. Although I do. I'm sure I do, anyway, I'm just avoiding moving my arms.

Super Smell power comes in handy when shopping. I can tell a perfect melon with one whiff. A honeydew is either carefully placed in the cart, or tossed back onto the pile with my nose in the air. I can afford to be a fruit snob. I have The Power.

Although this power likes to play with my sense of reality. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had this shampoo and conditioner that smelled like ambrosia. I stood there daily in perfect bliss, shampooing my hair. I inhaled while squeezing the bottle, trying to become one with the scent before it shot up my nose. I had found the holy grail of earthly olfactory pleasure!

After my baby was born though, the shampoo changed. The conditioner changed. It was at least pleasant, but nowhere near the euphoria-inducing scent it was before. Sad, but at least I wasn't like my mom. While pregnant with one of us, she had to continually resist the enchanting scent of gasoline. Yep, you heard me. Gasoline fumes! Hmmm....that could explain a lot.

My superpower is mostly used for evil, however. Evil against ME. Yep, it turned on me.

This means that the slightest whiff of something my pregnant body can't tolerate and it magically transports me to my bedroom where I lay gasping for clean air.

What sort of scents, you ask?

Dried ketchup is one of the worst. Just the thought of it makes my tummy churn. And of course, walking into the bathroom is just asking for trouble, especially when kids have left presents of failed nighttime protection on the floor. I need a permanent bed in Walmart, because the scent of the deli is....*gulp*. Ooooooh. I'm feeling a bit woozy at the moment. If people knew that fried chicken really smelled like that, they'd never, ever touch it. Not even with their grandmother's hands. I have been known to walk around the store with an empty grocery bag in case I didn't make it to the bathroom. Hey, you do what you have to!

Sorry Superman, but this is one power I wouldn't mind taming. I'm thinking of getting one of these, my own personal brand of kryptonite:

It's an aromatherapy diffuser necklace.

You put a little cotton pad with a few drops of an essential oil in it, and wear it. Instant perfume. I'm thinking this would be so handy! Come across a dog doing its business? Shove your necklace in your nose and breathe deeply. Other people may think you're insane, but hey, you're still standing.

Have to walk into the mother's lounge at church? Those diapers don't stand a chance.

Walking by a squished packet of ketchup? Laugh mockingly in its general direction!

Now the only problem is...what essential oil should I put in it? I know there are some that are contraindicated for pregnancy. I also don't want to smell like a haystack.

Although, you never know. My superpower may decide that "Haystack" is the next celebrity perfume. Hmm....I know who should market that.

I expect a thank-you letter and check from Tina's publicist any day now.

And as for me? I think I just spied a dried spaghetti-sauce lid.

Bedroom, here I come.


Annette Lyon said...

I had that super power during my pregnancies too. UGH! For, the worst was bacon and tacos. Just the memory is enough to make me feel sick to my stomach all over again . . .

Heidi Ashworth said...

You are a crack-up! You know, that's where perfume came from, the desire to have a personal pleasant smelling air space in a downright stinky world. Do you think people bathed regularly before WWII? No, they did not. One of the three gifts the wiseman brought the Christ child was perfume--it was worth a fortune and no wonder. I could go on and on but you're expecting and I know how that is--sorry about that! And sorry about the diabetes thing. I have been so spoiled in being able to eat pretty much whatever I have wanted my whole life (except when pregnant) until recently and my heart bleeds for you, it really does!

Karen said...

Yeah, that hollandaise sauce isn't as delightful as it used to be when I was preggo! I couldn't figure out what "that" ingredient was and now I know that it doesn't exist. :(

Michal said...

i'm so sorry! i guess even super powers come with thorns. i cannot stand the smell of frying oil when i'm pregnant. it doesn't matter if it's in a restaurant, at home, or even at the neighbor's when i'm outside, it is so nauseating. now i'll have to consider whether the heightened sense of smell makes things more pleasant as well.

Kimberly said...

Bwahahahah! I love you! Huuuge commiserations!

mindyluwho said...

Mayonaise is the most horrible smell in the world when I'm pregnant. And I had to constantly wash my upper lip because it always smelled funny!

Jeni said...

Lavender is an anti-nausea, safe to use during pregnancy, and inexpensive. If you don't like the smell of it, I can give you more suggestions.

P.S. Fried chicken brought me to my knees when I was pregnant. It was years before I even tried to eat it again.

Nancy Face said...

You're right! She DOES look like a haystack, haha! :D

My darling daughter has a similar super power, and it was brought on by simply taking birth control pills! :0

Melain said...

I also suffer from that particular super power! I blame my mother for bringing me up in a fragrance-free household. My sense of smell is unusually keen. My husband mocks me openly and regularly.

Aubrey said...

Ugh!! I hate that part of pregnancy. For Christmas, early on in my first pregnancy, my sister gave me "Love Spell" lotion and shower gel by Victoria Secret. She raved about it as one of her faves. I, being pregnant, did not love it so much. It made me so nauseous and gave me a headache. I ended up giving it back to her. And then to make things worse I discovered there is someone in the ward we share the buiding with who wears it. A LOT of it. And it seems like she only wears it when I pregnant. Sundays are not fun when I'm pregnant.