Thursday, October 16, 2008

What Was That Again?

On Saturday mornings James and I have a tradition.

We tell the kids to go ahead and watch TV while we stay in bed for a while and talk. Yes, talk. Mostly.

It's so nice to have some time to sleep and catch up on what's going on. He's been so busy with his next-to-last semester of school (HOORAY!) that we don't get as much time to visit with each other as we'd like.

Last Saturday the doorbell rang. Since what I sleep in doesn't cover much, I tried to find the closest clothes to put on which took me a minute or so. Of course, my robe was nowhere to be found. I was terrified the kids would say "Come in!" which they've done before and I've told them never to do when they don't know who's at the door. Not so much that I'm afraid of them getting abducted, but because I don't want anyone to see our living room on a Saturday morning.

When I didn't hear the doorbell ring again as I ran down the hall, I was desperately grasping at the faint hope that it was a politician who had left a card. No such luck. I opened up the door without having peeked out my window first. Big mistake.

What could strike dread into the heart of this woman on a precious, coveted Saturday morning with her husband?

Jehovah's Witnesses.

Now I don't have anything against them. They are pretty nice people. Well, except for the time six years ago when this guy kept me talking at the door when I had crawled off the couch with the flu when the doorbell rang. It was winter, I had told him I was really sick and I was trying to keep little Professor from escaping out the door. I was practically hanging on the door frame, near collapse. Yes, I did support the troops and want to pray for them. No, I didn't want to stand there freezing listening to scripture. He only left when I think he noticed my grip on the door failing during the second scripture. Maybe he wasn't a Jehovah's Witness after all, as there were two or three women with him. I never saw him again, and I lost no tears over it.

But I digress. Mostly the problem is that Jehovah's Witnesses just seem to stop by at the most inopportune times. Usually when they find out I'm LDS they don't stay long. I'm really embarrassed to tell you that we play the "Hiding Game" when we see them coming down the street during the week. I close my blinds and the kids and I all huddle in their bedroom and stay quiet. I'll sneak out bending down so I won't be seen through the front door to see where they are in relation to our house. It's so sad on my part, but the kids think it's a kind of SPY GAME and love it! I'm weird. I don't like talking to strangers at my front door. My heart pounds as we hope not to get "caught" at home. I try to play it cool, talk about how fun and exciting it is so the kids won't get weird fears from me. It's pathetic, I know.

Jehovah's Witnesses aren't singled out. Nope, we extend the honor to any strangers whom I think may stay longer than I'd like. Especially people selling vacuums, special cleaner you can drink by the gallon without dying, and those young turkeys trying to sell magazines so they can win some exotic trip. I have no sympathy for those magazine guys. I'm an almost 30 year old woman (golden birthday, 30 on the 30th!) who hasn't even had a honeymoon. The only overnight trip I had with my husband since our wedding night at the hotel was the anniversary before last, where we spent the night without kids and went to the temple the next morning. It was wonderful, but I also wouldn't mind going to a temple in an exotic location. They're not getting any money from me until I get a trip to Hawaii too!

Yesterday I knew I was caught when a man was walking up my driveway and I knew he had seen me through the window. He knocked, I opened the door and he announced that he was so-and-so running for such-and-such, gave me a card and told me to have a nice day. I nearly opened the door to tell him that he had my vote because he wasn't long-winded! Now that's a man who respects a stay-at-home mom's time.

Anyway, like I started to say before I got all sidetracked and stuff, that Saturday morning there were two women on my doorstep. They had an adorable little girl with them. When I said "Hi." one woman stated, "We know you weren't expecting company." It was nice of them to put it so delicately. My hair was a mess, I had no bra on, needed a shower, I'm glad it was that obvious!

Then she talked about how the state of things in this country are going, and how a lot of people are scared, and did I have concerns about the future? "No,"--and here I smiled and gave them a knowing look--"I know what's going to happen." They looked a bit surprised--or wary, maybe. It could have been because of my hair. I casually mentioned "When Jesus comes back he'll take care of everything. I'm not worried." She asked me what church I belonged to and I told them, then she read me a scripture that is in "both of our Bibles". I took the pamphlet she gave so I could get back to James, thanked them, and they left.

I called down the hall to James, "It was just the J-Dubs!" That's what a lot of us Latter-Day Saints call Jehovah's Witnesses affectionately.

Professor, next to me in the living room, was a bit confused. His voice was puzzled as he said, "Chain Chomps?"

I couldn't explain to him for a bit because I was laughing so hard! If you have ever played any Mario games, you'll know what a Chain Chomp is.

Unfortunately for Jehovah's Witnesses, they will forever be referred to in our family as Chain Chomps. Respectfully and affectionately though, of course.

Magazine guys and vacuum cleaner salesmen? Watch out. You're next.


mindyluwho said...

I love the new nickname! And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who hides!

Kimberly said...

Hee hee! I'm giggling like mad.

The Jehovah's Witnesses in our area know my kids by name because my overly? friendly kids introduce themselves to -everybody-. They're very nice and all, but it's hard to rush them off, that's for sure.

I do hope our missionaries are a bit more perceptive...

Jen said...

Hi! Welcome back! I DO remember you...

We get doorknockers all the time here. Not JW's (although we had those at our old house, and didn't really mind them) but salesmen. It makes me CRAZY. I finally got a friend who sells wall vinyl to make me a no soliciting sign. Best $5 I ever spent! I don't know if it works or not (just got it 2 days ago) but it at least makes me feel some recourse. If they knock on the door and I"m irritated, they will know beforehand that they are unwelcome. LOL

Take care,

Jeni said...

They always catch me in my PJ's too! Two ladies with a little girl. I let them in once to talk and took a pamphlet which I read...I found it sad and without hope. It makes it hard for me to understand their motivation to spread their word. It just left me really sad.

Elizabeth said...

I had a salesman come to my door once. There was actually a woman too and she bribed me with THREE candles if she could just show me what she had so she could 'get her points', cause it would only take five minutes. I accepted---big mistake. Next thing I know, they bring a big huge case that they HID around the corner of my porch and start setting up a vacuum! I was so ticked, but polite. My house had just been cleaned, fortunately. Then the lady said she would run to the store to get my candles since she only had 1 with her (why would she bribe me with 3 if she didn't even have them with her??). Needless to say, the guy was stuck there without a car to leave in for ONE HOUR! I was beyond mad when he finally left and no, I didn't even get my extra candles. Stupid sales people.