Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Hair Clips, Birth Control, and Cleanliness

I'll bet you've never seen a post title like that before. I'm also putting in a warning that part of this post should be for the "age 13 and over" crowd. That's so I don't have to take responsibility for you having to explain certain "stuff" to the kid who may be reading over your shoulder. (Hint hint, Professor!)

I'm up at 1:27 am, waiting for the two generic Benadryl I took to kick in. It usually knocks me out cold. I can't sleep, so I've been eating ice cream while reading some of my favorite blogs. I'm never, ever, going to catch up. If I haven't been by, I will be soon. I may stumble in looking for a pillow, but just smile gently and ignore me as I lay my head down on my computer keyboard.

Anyway, you know how they say that you learn something new every day? I don't. I've always thought that was baloney. There are days that go by that I feel my mushy brain stagnating. There are definitely a lot more days that I learn nothing. However, last week I learned three lessons:

The first lesson: Kids grow up fast. Seems like I learn this lesson more and more, lately.

Princess was in the bathroom while I was cleaning the counter. She hates having anything like barrettes or ponytails in her hair. FINALLY she decided she likes those little mini clips that never stay in your hair, the ones with teeth. She was fiddling with some in the hair container thingy, and I took out a shiny brown one and put it in her hair. She reached up to take it out while declaring, "No! It's not cool enough." Pause. "It's not cool enough?" I said, wondering if I heard what I did. "It's not cool enough. " Pause. "Where's my pink one?" She won't even be three until next month. What am I in for when she turns 13? Wait-- don't answer that.

The second lesson: water+exhaustion=disaster.

I learned not to do the dishes when tired, especially when it involves a moveable dishwasher that hooks up to the sink faucet. Since it doesn't seal off completely, I take it off when it's on the drying cycle so that we don't waste water. It's a cool thing that has one hose attached to take in water, and an outgoing one to put it back into the sink, all connected in one.

Well, I heard the machine empty for the last time, and disconnected it. I didn't hear any water running into it, I automatically wait for that before I disconnect the hose. Minutes passed, and I didn't think anything of it until Princess walked by it and yelled, "There's water on the floor!" My first thought was that it had leaked. Then I saw the water gushing out of it. That's when I also realized that I should have shut the towel/dishcloth/tablecloth drawer behind it.

The water was pouring into the drawer, and out of it. I grabbed the hose, and yelled for dirty towels to catch the water as it was heading for my free-standing pantry cabinet. I then realized that I had taken all the dirty towels downstairs to wash. Luckily, standing right next to me was a basket of dirty clothes I was going to take downstairs to wash several hours earlier. I dumped the entire basket onto the swelling flood, and saved my cabinet from swelling irreversably. I'm sure it will make you feel better to find that I saved the plastic wrap AND the baggies.

I never fail to listen for the sound of swishing water now after I disconnect the hoses.

The third lesson: Always laugh at someone else's misfortune if it truly is funny.

The last thing occurred last Friday. I was in the shower, and James was in the bathroom talking to me. The phone rang. He got it, (it was left in the bathroom) and let me know it was my sister. Next thing I knew he was laughing so hard he could hardly stand up.

Karen had a baby almost three months ago. She also has a small husky-terrier mix named Nova, who's about 2 years old. Nova has been pretty good since the baby was born. She has mostly gotten into things before the baby was born, swiped stuff off tables, ripped things up, things like that. Karen has trained her incredibly well, so all that was kept to a minimum.

Karen was happy with how well Nova adjusted to the baby. What Karen didn't know was that her adorable little doggie was biding her time, plotting and scheming all the while. She figured out the best way to get back at her 'parents' once and for all. She waited until she was alone in the bedroom, and got to work.

When Karen came in the room later, she found 40 condom wrappers. You're probably thinking that Nova got them out of the trash, since they were all empty. Nope. That dog helped herself to 40 brand-spankin'-new condoms by taking each one out of the wrapper, and swallowing them. "See," I bet she was thinking, "I showed them!" That was, until she threw the first one up on the carpet. Karen ran to get her outside, where she proceeded to upchuck their entire stash of birth control.

As disgusting as that is, she's one lucky dog. If she didn't throw up, she would have had to go to the vet to prevent a blockage. She also proved she's smart beyond belief. I think she was trying to prevent another wailing baby arriving to take more attention.

And that, gentle (and over 13) reader, about sums up last week.


Kimberly said...

Good grief, what a week!

mindyluwho said...

Oh Rebecca...a much needed laugh!

So good to see you again, you can come over any time, I'll have a pillow waiting for you!

Michal said...

(chortle. snort.)
too bad what that little dog did actually INCREASED the chances of another baby arriving! i assume that those condoms won't be used again, even if they were puked up intact.:)