Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I'm Moving Away Forever.

I have always been an extremely modest person.

The only time anyone has seen me uncovered was when I had my 3 children, at the doctor's office, and the following time:

I was 17 or 18 years old. We lived in a mobile home, and my room was right off of the bathroom. I was listening to one of my sisters talk to Mom about why she needed another new bra. This sister had problems with many of her clothes quite often, so got newer ones on a regular basis. I never wanted money to be spent on me, so Mom would have to make me get new clothes, and I always felt guilty.

Mom was standing in the bathroom doorway, and Sister was just inside the bathroom. I was getting frustrated while listening. I had waited and waited to get a new bra, mine was getting ratty but I didn't want to get a new one just yet, as money was always pretty tight. Finally, I had enough. I got up, went out of my room, and stood at the outside corner of the door in front of my mom and sister. I said heatedly, "You want another bra, while I go around looking like this!"--and quite uncharacteristically for me, lifted up my sweatshirt to expose my ratty bra. Both Mom's and Sister's jaws dropped open, and time stood still as I stood there, shirt held up, and felt the coolness of the air across my naked chest. Then they started laughing hysterically, and I slunk off to my room. Yep, I had forgotten that I had taken off my bra before bedtime.

That story has gone down in our family history, and still comes back to haunt me occasionally. Maybe for others it wouldn't be such a big deal, but since I had a reputation for being super modest and more prim and proper, it was quite an event. Like I said, that was the only other time I've been...unclothed in that manner, well, maybe. I'm not sure now.

James has mentioned on occasion that you can see into our bedroom at night, but he didn't know how much. I assumed shadows. We have shades on the windows, they're the bamboo-looking type that were there when we moved in. Since we didn't want to buy new shades, and they looked kind of cool, we left them.

Last night around 11:00 he said, "By the way, you can see everything in our bedroom at night when the light's on." I grilled him, "How much can you see? Could you see the mess that was in there before I cleaned it?" He told me that I should go out and look. I started to feel sick. "NO!" I declared. "I'm not going to!"

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and informed James that I was going out to the van to get the hose for our rug cleaner. (I had loaned it to my sister--not the new bra one.) He knew what I was up to, and said he'd show me what you could see. I ignored him and went outside in the cool, damp night air.

I went to the van and took out the hose. Shutting the door, I looked up nervously. I relaxed for a second. You could see our headboard, up against the window. I couldn't see much of anything else. Then James came into the room.

He started dancing and being very goofy, and I could see it all. I could see that he had on a blue shirt. I could see him from below the waist and up. I realized in horror just how much the neighbors could see. We live on a cul-de-sac, dead smack in the middle. It also slopes down, so we're slightly lower than our other neighbors. We have an oak tree in the front yard, but that would only shield the view for a couple of neighbors, and not much in the winter. Anyone driving down the street could see in. Some of the neighbors stay up late.

Thankfully we don't always have the lights on in our intimate moments. But we do sometimes, and anyone looking would have seen it all. I have the light on when I undress. I'm so mortified that I don't know if I can ever leave my house again. One of our neighbor guys smiled and said "Hi" when I said hello yesterday. He doesn't usually smile. Now I'm going to be freaked out by everyone and wonder if they've seen something. I hope the tree blocked the view of our neighbor who's an assistant Baptist pastor. Just think, we'll have lived here 2 years in August, and no one's said a word. Being quite fluffy, I'm not that attractive sans clothes, (James, I know what you'll say when you read this, so be quiet right now!) so I wouldn't see why anyone wouldn't say anything. Unless, as my grandma put it when I told her, "Because they get a free show!"

I think it's time to move.

19 comments:

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I just got done at Millie's telling her about the lady I was exposed to this morning...literally. Oh my heck she was in her 60's and dressed in a long-ish orange tank top. I was working throwing papers and when I got around the cul-de-sace she bent over to pick up something on her driveway and revealed that not only was she not wearing shorts she was also not wearing undies. I got a flash of a wrinkly and old full moon.

I screamed but continued driving.

I need some eye bleach.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

We have the most gigantic atrium window above the bath tub. Why? Because the home builder went out of their way to make the most impractical design. Anyway, I discovered awhile ago that the space between the blinds and the wall allows a straight view of the mirror which reflects us naked in the tub or shower. Super! The people behind us also have a 20story that looks down on our house. More super!

The Mrs. said...

I remember us years ago discussing that we'd rather die than have our shirts and bras cut away to get CPR. We were quite serious. Okay, so neither one of us is as extreme as we were as youngsters, but I'm with you on this one...I'd move!

Oh, and the story of flashing your ta-tas (I know, so un-p.c.) is absolutely hilarious. I'm glad you can laugh about it now.

mindyluwho said...

Oh Rebecca...I'm laughing my head off! I'm also blushing in mortification for you! It reminds me of the commercial where the little old man and lady are sitting at their window getting ready for the "show" at their steamy young neighbors house...

Ohhhh, I think I'd move!

seven said...

Augh! What a traumatizing experience... you definitely need to move. If it was me, I'd be blushing nonstop for the next three weeks, at minimum.

Carrot Jello said...

I remember coming out of the house of someone I visit teach, only to look across the driveway and see her neighbors having sex in their upstairs bedroom. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do anything without a shade, or newspaper, or something covering the window. At least you were doing it innocently.

Kimberly said...

Oh honey! I'm so sorry! I mean, I'm giggling a bit, but really, I really am sorry!

Michal said...

i can't help but laugh at your misfortune, even as i squirm at your discomfort. now you are going to have to dress in the darkness forever more. bummer.

i would be pink and blushing everytime i saw a neighbor for a while. but if you love the house, don't move.

david mcmahon said...

This post made me smile because of your ability to chuckle at yourself.

Thank you for the visit and the comment - and I'm so glad Kimberly is a common link.

Don't move, just change the curtains!

Do keep in touch .....

Bee Repartee said...

Oh...ohhhhh, you poor girl. I'm cringing for you.

At least they know you love your husband, right?

Mamita said...

That's funny! I have the same problem with my bathroom window. It's one of those half circle shapes that is impossible to find a shade for unless I want to pay a fortune. So it sits there, uncovered. We have to open the door and closet door together to block the view from our neighbors behind us.

Don't move houses! Just laugh it off and get a new shade. Who knows-maybe your neighbors will snatch up your bamboo shades when they see them on the curb! I think it's absolutely hilarious! And if it 'bothered' anybody, you would have had an anonymous note on your door step by now. Oh, and you better google yourself to see if any of the neighbors have posted pictures yet!!! lol

Jenera said...

Found you through David :)

My hubby and I found out after a romantic interlude at a hotel that you could see into the room between the curtains, straight into the mirror that faced the bed.

My theory is if no one complained, you are all good. Just get new blinds or put up some curtains.

Millie said...

I love the "I go around looking like THIS" story. :) You and I have that prim modesty thing in common (not that you'd know it from the blog).

Sandi McBride said...

I'm just about laughing my ass off at your "modesty story" and then you go and tell me that YOU DON'T HAVE CURTAINS ON YOUR WINDOWS????
Oh sweetie...buy curtains...lol
Sandi
ps
David sent me...he must have known I needed a good laugh!

Nancy Face said...

I feel a teeny bit guilty for being so completely entertained at your expense! ;)

Thanks for all the laughs! :D

Christine said...

You had me laughing out loud! I recently took the blind off my master bath window (beacause the blind was ugly and I hated it). I really like the look of the arched window with no treatment- but at night- after my shower- I've convinced myself that you'd have to be in my backyard to see anything.....

Kimberly said...

psst...I miss you!

mindyluwho said...

So your post title says you're moving away forever...I'm hoping that doesn't mean you're moving away from your blog! I miss you! (Of course, I'm not one to talk seeing how I haven't posted since May 11!)

The Mrs. said...

I tagged you. Now you have to write! See my blog for details.