Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Goal Accomplished.

I did it. Got below 210 for my birthday, actually ON my birthday yesterday. I did manipulate the system a bit. I was really waterlogged, so knew I'd be dropping a pound or two by today or tomorrow. My ears were so stopped up it wasn't funny.

I got up and started my birthday with a good workout. I didn't drink much during, just what I felt like drinking, so when I got home I was 210.4. I was really tired so I decided to go back to bed, hoping that when I got up I would be less since I'm always less in the mornings. Got up, still the same. I should have eaten breakfast then since it was after 9:00, but I got on the computer and got sidetracked. Then nature called, so after that I decided to strip down and get really honest with the scale, hoping that made a difference. It's so sad, isn't it? I'm a bit embarrassed by how much I wanted it and I've never accomplished a weight goal, but I really, really wanted to see 209 yesterday. I got on that scale and was 209.6. Yep, I did manipulate the system a little by not drinking a lot of water or eating breakfast until late, but this morning I was 209.8 so it wasn't far off. I've woken up late and not eaten breakfast until later before and haven't been that low. I have one of those scales that tells you how much fat, water and muscle you have so I wasn't dehydrated. I am sooo excited and quite hopeful that I'll lose these next 10 lbs by New Year's Day!

My birthday was good. My oldest gave me some silverish snowman earrings he picked out just for me. He did a great job, I would have picked them out myself! The next son gave me a watch that was pointed out to him by his daddy. Great work, son. Then my daughter gave me some speakers that can be used by an Ipod. I don't have an Ipod. Then, James gave me a computer printout of an mp3/mp4 player Ipod Nano knockoff he won me on Ebay, but it's not here yet. I'm SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! Can't wait! I mentioned once how much I'd love an Ipod, but I know we can't afford one. It was a great surprise! Now, hopefully it gets here soon!!!!!!

It has 7 equalizer modes, ebook function, video function, fm radio, a lot of different music file formats, and more. Man, am I excited!!!!!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Victim of Circumstance? I think NOT!

I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to get through this next week and a half of cravings and bloating and whatnot. Looking back on my other posts, I know I've mentioned PMS several times, but I think that's the time I really fall of the wagon train for weight-loss.

The kids were just watching one of those old Kidsongs videos, the one where they were at the amusement park. There's a song on there about eating fast food. Part of the lyrics are, to the best of my remembering, "Oooohh yeah, I'm a victim of circumstance. Fast food's got a hold on me, and I don't stand a chance!" Hearing that song got me thinking even more.

Now, fast food rarely tempts me (financially and we're home nearly all the time) but I was thinking of what Calamity Jane says about planning for success. That brought to mind this coming week, the week for me that starts the holiday nonstop eating frenzy. I need to plan. I want to let my kids make the cool Halloween spiders that we saw on Food Network today without it sabotaging ME.

That means that I need to have some really tasty and healthy food made up so I don't get hungry. I crave LOTS of flavor, which means that I can't just eat a few nuts or something and be ok. I learned that during "that" time your basal metabolism (your body's calorie usage just to stay alive) is highest. That would explain the huge amounts of hunger I get.

I am not buying ANY candy for Halloween. Ok, I'm required to buy a package to donate for the church activity but no one says that it has to make it from the car to the house. I can buy the cheapest, cruddiest candy I can that won't tempt me. Between the church party, trick-or-treating at James' work, and Halloween night we'll be floating in the stuff. Bad timing for me.

What I'll have the kids do is pick out some of their favorites and give the rest to the missionaries. If we end up with enough to fill my giant stainless steel bowl I'll chuck some of it too.

I'll keep you posted. This week will be tricky, but I will NOT be a victim of circumstance! I won't allow the circumstance to come about.

And, about those extra two pounds? My snuggish-fitting jeans still fit just fine, so I think something else is going on. My weight went up a total of 4 pounds, than back down to the two. We'll see what happens after this week. I desperately tried to talk myself into staying home from the gym this morning, but my rule is if I am awake enough to drive safely, I go. The tired part of my brain tried SO hard to make me go back to bed, but the smart part of my brain won. Barely, but it did.

By the way, I made my goal of going to the gym 5 times last week. Two were in one day as I took Babaloo to the exercise class for kids in the afternoon and got in 25 minutes of strength training. Hooray!

My goal for this week is 5 times as well. One down, 4 to go!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Test...

Putting this on here to see if it's easier for my mom to hear. I'm not very good, so please be kind if you listen! :D

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Really Frustrated. Really.

Ok, so last week I only worked out 3 times and was 210.8 on Sunday morning. Every day since then I've gone up in weight. I doubt it was the cheese I ate last Friday, that was digested long before this.

I've gained at least 3 lbs back, I think. I don't know why and I'm pretty upset. I've been eating more salads, and even when I've had chocolate it's been the 5 grams of sugar per serving type. I haven't been overeating at all, and although I should cut down my fat intake it's no different or maybe better than last week's intake.

I have gone to the gym 3 days already this week. The only thing I haven't been doing is getting enough sleep. I also have been forgetting to read my scriptures the last few days. Is this punishment?

I'm ready to cry. Seriously, I have tears in my eyes. I have worked SO hard, and have been working out harder than I was and this is what I get? I don't think I'm any bigger, because my clothes still fit. Maybe I'm retaining water? Does that happen when you work out a lot? Maybe it's muscle? I have no idea. I'm just SO discouraged and thinking that my success was temporary and too good to be true.

I know exercising is good for my body, but I don't want to torture myself this often if it's not going to do anything for the numbers on the scale.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Thoughts on Losing 3 Bags of Apples

I've been bouncing between 9 and 10 pounds lost, hoping it stays down to 10 then reaches for 11. I'm so thrilled!

This afternoon I was thinking about how much lighter I suddenly feel. I got a bunch of 3 pound bags of apples from the co-op, so I picked up three of them for a bit to see how much I used to weigh. That's no small thing! It was sad to realize that I had 9 extra pounds hanging on me 6 weeks ago. It was such a nice feeling to realize that I could put them down. I didn't like the extra weight on my feet, I NEVER want to go back there again. I'm able to dance easier, and I can't wait for the time when I do a dance move and don't have to stop to wait for the rest of me to catch up. I feel strong inside my body. Except for my back, but the chiropractor has to still work on that.

6 weeks ago I was wearing size 24 shorts that fit very nicely. I'm now able to wear a size 20 pants that I couldn't wear before unless they were unbuttoned and partially unzipped. They're a tiny bit snug in the waist as the waist is a bit high for me, I'm short waisted. Everywhere else they fit fine or are even a bit baggy. Yayyy!!!!

I went to Walmart last night, as I've lost in the chest department as well. I've gone down a cup size and a band size. Why oh why is this one of the first places I'm losing? I'm pretty well endowed now, but I think I'll end up pretty minuscule when I'm done losing weight. Oh, well. Couldn't find a bra that I liked. I like the ones that are completely smooth so there are no lines in the knit shirts I wear all the time. I guess a trip to the mall is in order this week.

Luckily I found a couple of t-shirts in the next size down on clearance, and a cute pair of workout pants that is a size smaller than I used to wear. The t-shirts I have still fit ok, but they're getting way too low and looser on top. Not something I want to be showing off when I'm on hands and knees in a gym class. I'm not losing in my tummy as quickly as I'd like, but they'll stretch out enough. The new t-shirts, that is. They fit perfectly on top. Size 16!!! On a side note, I can't WAIT until I can no longer shop at Lane Bryant! (The clearance racks, anyway. They're so expensive otherwise!)

An interesting thing happened when I went to Fashion Bug to find some jeans. No luck, but when both salesladies (who were both overweight, one substantially) found out that I lost 10 pounds, they asked me (separately) how I did it. I told them, "I go to the gym usually 4 times a week, building up to 5, and I almost never eat anything with refined sugars or flours." They seemed slightly disappointed about how I did it, just said that it was great and doesn't it feel wonderful (which it does). I'm not quite comfortable yet telling people how much prayer has helped me with this process. I hope I can get to the point where I feel comfortable with it. I know that if it were the right situation and the Spirit prompted me than I could. I feel almost like I'm lying to them, telling them it's just diet and exercise when I know it's so much more than that for me.

As I'm writing this I still feel a little nervous that I'm actually DOING it. I know I am, though. 9-10 pounds in 6 weeks don't lie. I'm not going to make New Year's resolutions next year, I never do anymore because when I used to I would always break them. Nope, by this New Year's my goal is to be under 200 pounds. I want to wake up on New Year's day and be in the 190's. That goal and desire is going to help keep me going through the holiday months.

That may seem a sissy goal to some of you, because New Year's Day is 2 1/2 months away. However, I need to set longer goals than some people do, mostly so I don't stress out and sabotage myself in the process. I've always been way too hard on myself, and that's a lot of the reason I've been this overweight for 7 years. This time the difference is that I pray every day for help. I pray for help to know what I should eat that day, and for help to know when to stop. The days I forget to pray as much I don't do so well. When I started this I asked my husband for a blessing. That helped me a lot too. By following the counsel I received in the blessing, daily prayer, forgiving myself for slipping up sometimes, and reading Calamity Jane's blog I am finally succeeding where there used to be so much despair. The way I look at it is that I probably will reach my goal ahead of New Year's. If I do, I'll set a new one. If it does take me that long, I'll enjoy the ride.

Here's to apples!!!!!!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Food Masks Don't Work

For some reason my Candida problem reared its ugly head last night. I was pretty sick, cramping and running back and forth to the bathroom. I'll spare you the ugly details. I couldn't figure out what caused it to flare up, then I remembered that I ate 7 onion rings yesterday. If I eat anything that has white flour it causes it to flare up. Goodbye onion rings. I only see you rarely, so it's time to say goodbye forever.

So I don't know if it was a loss of extra water or what, but my scale said that I was hydrated. I didn't work out so I was in bed for an extra hour, but when I got on the scale I was 210.8. Yes, I squealed. I haven't seen that number for about 3 years!!!! I hope I didn't ruin it by eating too much yesterday.

Last night I kept wanting to eat. I was struggling to resist, and I would stay away for a while, then go back to the kitchen to look for something else. I kept looking around, wanting some kind of snacky thing, wishing I had some chocolate. Warning bells started going off in my head, but I ignored them. Lucky for me I didn't have anything that was chocolatey or snacky hanging around. Later, I was sitting on the couch, eating a substantial amount of reduced-fat cheddar and Triscuits, when I realized that I wasn't hungry anymore. I get hungry a lot more often since I've been eating much healthier and less total food, and exercising. But I wasn't hungry, but kept feeling the compulsion to eat.

I stopped to think. "Why do I keep feeling the need to eat?" I asked myself. I realized that I had been feeling the need to eat so as not to feel what was bothering me. I'm pretty stressed right now as this is my first month coordinating for a natural foods co-op, and today's my first delivery being in charge. I've only been a member for 4 months. I took over because no one else would, it was a big mess and many people had left, so I spent many, many hours sorting everything out. There's a lot of pressure on me to make sure it goes well today. Thankfully there is another lady who stepped up to help, and she's wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without her.

When I realized what was going on, I thought further. There was something else bothering me. James works full-time and now he's working on his Master's degree as well at night. He's gone SO much, I don't see much of him at all. Not to mention that it's a lot harder on the kids, the boys really, really miss their daddy. I'm thankful that he doesn't have to travel almost ever, or go overseas, but I still miss him. I didn't think that we would be in this part of our lives ever again when he graduated before. I was so glad to kiss those days goodbye, but they're back again. I found myself crying for a little while because I miss him. I know that he's doing the right thing, and I admire him for working so hard for our family. I know he'd rather be here with us. I wholeheartedly support him in going to school, but that doesn't make me miss him any less.

After I cried for a bit, I felt better. And, I lost the desire to eat anything else. The next time I feel that compulsion, I'm going to stop right away and figure out what's bothering me. Eating mindlessly never fills me up. I could eat until I was ready to explode and just feel bad about it, but still wish I had room for more. When I actually let go and FEEL what my heart is upset about, the problem gets dealt with. Food is NOT a good placebo for emotion. Food is good for energy. It doesn't work well as a mask to hide my feelings behind.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Discussion with a five year old boy.

While pointing to my chest: "Mommy, those are your boobies".
"Yes honey, those are my boobies."
Pointing to his chest: "These are my boobies."
"No honey, you don't have boobies."
"These are my boobies?"
"No honey, you don't have boobies."
Slight pause, then: "Mommy--these are my eggs?"

Mommy then doubles over laughing hysterically.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

The Going is Slow, But at Least It's Going!!!

This morning I got on the scale, and for the second time in several days I was 211.6. WHOOHOO!!!!! I've been going back and forth between 211.6 and 212.8 in the morning the last few days. Better than the PMS 213-214 last week.

I've given up the "get under 200 by my birthday" goal. After those first 5 pounds, the going is a lot slower. I'm seeing a lot of changing in my body. I put on muscle really well and my legs are shaping up quite nicely, according to James. I noticed while looking in the reflective window as I left the gym that I'm looking smaller from the side view as well. My large, sagging abdomen is shrinking. I keep telling myself that how fast the weight drops doesn't matter if my body's changing and I keep losing steadily. I've heard that slower weight loss is good for keeping the weight off as well. Can you tell I've been giving myself a pep talk?

That said, my new goal is to get under 210 by my birthday which is in 3 weeks. It's taken me 2 weeks to lose 3 pounds, and since I'm due to be PMSing right on my birthday, I figure that's a reasonable goal. That will mean still losing fat while gaining a couple of pounds of water.

I just made the most delicious smoothie. Everything tastes much sweeter to me now since I've stopped eating refined sugars, for the most part. Here's my recipe:

Yummy Yogurt Smoothie

1 cup low-fat plain yogurt
3-4 (or more) whole frozen strawberries (with no sugar)
stevia powder (stevia is a plant that is VERY sweet. Tastes like a sugar sub.)

Put yogurt, strawberries and one small, tiny pinch stevia in a blender. Stevia is very concentrated. Use about 1/16 tsp to start. I get the Now brand white powder that doesn't contain fillers.

Blend. taste for sweetness, add TINY bit more stevia if needed. Pour into glass. Admire the gorgeous pink color.

Frosty, fruity, tart while being slightly sweet and very refreshing!
Enjoy!

Monday, October 1, 2007

What PMS really stands for.....

I found out what PMS really should stand for.

Peanut M&MS

The end of last week I was wondering why I wanted chocolate SO badly. I had resisted with all my might, only eating 4-5 chocolate yogurt-covered raisins. What I really wanted was chocolate-covered peanuts.

So, when I was in Walmart on Friday night, I saw the peanut M&Ms. Suddenly I realized why I felt like a chocolate-craving monster.

You guessed it. The three letters that strike terror into the hearts of men. And yes, I mean men.

PMS.

So, I bought some. Yes, I've been eating healthfully. I figured that I could handle a treat, and I did pretty well. I chose dark chocolate peanut M&Ms. I figured that at least this way I would get some fiber, and the dark chocolate has antioxidants and I get satiated much faster by it than milk chocolate.

I opened the bag in the car and shared with the kids. Now, this was a family sized bag, so I wanted to make sure not to overdo it. If I had gotten a small bag, my kids would have had most of it and I didn't want to go home and eat everything in sight when what I really, really wanted was some chocolate. So, I ate about 1/2 cup of those things. A little too much, but it enabled me to resist my friend's best ever no-bake cookies at a girl's night later on that same night. I was pretty proud of myself. I listened to my body and was aware of every M&M I ate, and paid attention to when I was satisfied. I paid attention to the sensations and taste in my mouth, and for the first time I was satisfied with MUCH less than I used to be.

After that I went home and put up the bag. I had several more over the next couple of days, but no more than 5 or 7 at a time, maybe 2 or 3 times. I made sure to share with my family so I wasn't hoarding all of them. The kids were happy with how much they got. More than the couple here and there that they used to get. The scale hasn't gone up for me any more than usually does at this time of month, actually less.

Does this mean that I can have my monthly M&Ms and still lose weight? Maybe I can have my cake and eat it too! (Well, I'd prefer the M&Ms.) I hope so! Sure makes this lifestyle change a bit easier. I wish I'd had them around last night.

Being Sunday, I didn't eat much all day. We have church at 12:30, so we didn't get home until 4 and James was in charge of a multi-ward missionary fireside that the mission president was speaking at. So, I had to cook dinner and make a dessert for the fireside before we left at 6:30.

I made a whole wheat chocolate crazy cake with unbleached organic sugar. I didn't have chocolate chips to melt on the top like usual, but I found a bag of chocolate mint swirled chips left over from Christmas, so I used that. When it was melted and smoothed out it looked like milk chocolate, but smelled divine. We each tried a small piece before leaving.

The fireside was wonderful, the treats a big success, and there was only a few pieces of my cake left that I tried to give away as we were headed out the door. I succeeded in giving away a few.

I was so hungry when we left at 9:00 that it was a bad thing that the cake was on my lap on the way home. The pieces were cut very small, so I took off the chocolate topping on two but I ate 3 pieces. I was ashamed of myself. But that goes to show that you can't set yourself up for success if you're hungry and you have chocolate cake on your lap. I think I had enough of a calorie deficit from the rest of the day that it'll be ok. After all, it was whole wheat cake. However, I did learn a lesson. Put the cake in back of the van before leaving the parking lot if you're hungry, especially if you have PMS!

All in all, I've done much better this month than months past. So, instead of beating myself up for the mistakes I made, I'm cheering myself with how much I've accomplished! I still haven't seen the scale go down and stay down this past week, so I've been roughly the same weight for the past two weeks. However, yesterday morning James said that my skirt was fitting better and differently. It's the same skirt I wore to his parents' church two weeks ago. So something is going on with my body. Perhaps it's just shifting some muscle for fat, and I'll start seeing the numbers going down again soon, especially after "that time" comes and goes.

I didn't go to the gym this morning as I'm still pretty sore from my strength training workout on Saturday! That was a killer training. My shoulders, thighs, chest and bottom are still sore! I'm going to see if I can go tonight after FHE.