Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My Christmas Present

Let me start this by saying that some of you probably won't understand this at all, and will just tell me to "get over it already". Some of you will secretly feel my pain. I mentioned emphatically to my husband that the only thing I want for Christmas is a decluttered house. That's it. Then I can spend more time doing things with the kids, writing, and more time working out to lose weight. More time living instead of looking for stuff. James is now on vacation (mostly, he only worked about 1 hour today with calls and emails) so we started decluttering and cleaning the house today. I'm not posting any "before" shots, because it's pretty embarrassing. He and I have never been good at having places for things or getting rid of stuff--"Wait Honey! I think that's the piece to that thing that broke that I think I threw away but might have kept"-- we've been drowning in junk.

I hate it. If you've ever seen the movie "Joe Versus the Volcano" you'll remember where Joe was telling off his boss and he went on about the florescent lighting. He looked up at them and grouches about them sucking the life out of him, saying"Suck! Suck! Suck!" while his eyes get closer to the lights. That's how I feel about this extra stuff everywhere. It sucks the life out of me. I've struggled against it for so long, but never can seem to get on top of it. I am, contrary to my clothes would suggest, only one person. I can only do so much before I leave an area to go do something exciting like, say, cooking dinner, and by the time I get back it looks like a tornado went through my formerly shiny, clear floor area. Most of the time a human tornado has gone through, consisting of my three kids. They have an uncanny ability to find a clean floorspace and feel the need to make it match the rest of the house. It's not their fault, it's ours because if there's less stuff around, there's less to take out and throw, cleanup is more manageable for everyone and kids don't get frustrated not knowing where to put something. Heck, I get frustrated not knowing where to put things!

We started with our room today. You know what I found under my bed? Various sundry toys and stuff that were building their own city. Apparently they got to the point they decided they needed food, because I found an apple core and a small can of Hunt's Tomato Sauce. I kid you not, there was tomato sauce under my bed. The apple I could understand, since Princess has learned to help herself to food, but tomato sauce? Maybe Princess' pioneer-dressed doll I found under my headboard was preparing an Italian feast for the Little People elephant further down "the road".

I also found some of my yummy Bath and Body Works lotions I got at the 75% sale in January. Somehow they jumped off the dresser...or were they pushed? I have my suspicions that it was my beloved antique mirror my mom gave me for my bridal shower...or maybe the headless doll figurine looking for revenge on the loss of her noggin. Wait- what was I talking about? Oh yeah. My favorite is the Lemon Meringue Tutti Dolci body souffle. I'm really sad that they discontinued the line. I found a ton of other stuff and junk, most of it shouldn't have been my room to begin with. I have had a bad habit of throwing things in my room when someone is coming over because that is the one place they won't be going. I've actually locked the door so no one will go in and had to unlock it with a skinny screwdriver after they left .

Why am I exposing myself like this? I'm not sure. I don't like that I feel I need so much stuff around me. It feels comfortable in a way, because then I don't invite people over and I don't have to stress about being with other people, even though part of me wants to. Of course it causes a ton of stress when I'm trying to look for anything. I swear, half of my life has been spent looking for the boys' Sunday socks or shoes, for Princess' tights,...what did you say? I lived 21 of 29 years without my precious little ones whom I can't imagine life without? Ok, so it only feels like I've been looking for things half my life.

So, we're beginning with our room. Since James has this vacation until January 2nd we're gung-ho getting rid of stuff. The kids will watch movies until their eyes fall out if that's what it takes for them to let us work. We are going to get rid of lots and lots of things, and help each other be strong. "But Hon, I really like that" isn't a good enough excuse. We got into this mess (literally) because we hardly ever got rid of things that were good or useful. Since I've been working on losing weight -yes, maintaining it through the holidays counts as losing in my book- I realized that I've kept the extra stuff around me to keep me isolated from life like I've kept the extra pounds around me for the same reason.

My goal is to be able to look around me and not say- pardon my words- "I can't believe we have all this CRAP!!!" anymore. I think of people who have nothing, and I have so much. Hopefully a lot of this stuff will bless others, and that thought makes it easier to cart it out the door. Plus, it will be much easier to have a clean house if there's less stuff around. I think the satisfaction of seeing clear spaces will keep us going. I'm so thankful that James is supportive and helping with this, because it's definitely a two-person job. Well, actually we'd be great candidates for the crew of "Clean Sweep" or something like that, but I'll take one extra body to help.

Wish me luck! Oh, and lots of energy too.

Friday, December 14, 2007

I swiped this meme from Mindy. Visit her for gorgeous, deeply inspiring posts from her study of the scriptures.

Wrapping paper or gift bags?
For what? I'm assuming you mean for giving presents, because I think eating them would be a bad idea. I like to receive my presents wrapped. I like to give them in gift bags for people other than family, it's easier. Ok, I confess: it's not because it's easier, it's because my family doesn't care if their presents look like they're wrapped by an elf who had his mittens fused to his hands.

Do you have a Nativity scene? Not made of real people, I don't. I have a beautiful little one that has the donkey broken. I think he's been reglued, and my mantle would be the perfect place to put it--if my fireplace had a mantle.

Do you like eggnog? Silk Soy Nog all the way, baby!

Favorite Christmas movie? Mine? Anything with Christmas in it, including "While You Were Sleeping". I love Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, but my favorites are Elf, The Santa Clause (seen on my first date ever!) and Frosty the Snowman. My dad loves to quote the bad guy from Frosty and I remember hearing him saying, "Busy, busy, busy!' Oh, and I love those cheesy Christmas romances that are on Lifetime and Hallmark this time of year.

Mail or e-mail Christmas cards? Umm...I used to mail. Last year, didn't. This year? Maybe a Christmas email.

Easiest person to buy for? Princess. I used to be a little girl, so I know what would make her more excited than anything.

Real tree or artificial? How about artificially real? I tried to bend the branches the right way to make it look realish. The base is a dead giveaway, since I haven't found the tree skirt I got on clearance last year yet. That may not be a bad idea since our hugs dog likes to try to lie under the tree. If there was a "blanket" there, he would try harder. I actually caught the tree as it was going over yesterday.

Angel or star on the tree top?
How about a "Star of David" that's too heavy so we have to wind the branches around it to make it stay? Right now it's pointing...let me look over my shoulder...northwest.

Have you ever recycled a Christmas gift? I honestly don't remember.

Favorite Christmas song? Hands down, the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah.

Do you travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home in the morning, travel 45 minutes to my parents for the afternoon. MUST have Christmas morning in our house!

White lights or colored on the tree? White now, as I decided a few years ago I liked nothing but. This year though, I felt a sudden nostalgic pang for the colored lights of my youth. Maybe the after Christmas sales...

Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Food, not anything else no matter HOW good the candles smell. We have begun a tradition of sorts of having Italian food for Christmas. I love my raspberry shortbread, Russian Teacakes with pecans, and crinkle cookies. Yummy!!!

Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes, I can. Can you?

When do you put up the tree?The goal is always for the weekend after Thanksgiving, but it usually ends up being much later. This year was pretty good, I got it up this past Monday.

What is your favorite place to go at Christmas? Church, and a park here where they put up this gorgeous light display that goes for around a mile. You drive around the park and see it all threading through the trees.

Open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? My husband's family used to open pajamas Christmas Eve. I think we used to open one on Christmas Eve when I was a kid now and then. We're only doing that if I get the kids pajamas. They don't have many presents this year (financially AND by choice) so we don't want to ruin Christmas morning.

What do you love most about Christmas? That we celebrate Christ's birth, and being with my family. Christmas wouldn't be Christmas if I didn't have my family. People have always been the most important at Christmas. If I were alone, I'd go to the shelters and help make Christmas for others. When my kids are old enough, I plan on all of us going.

We're Still Alive

We've been smack-dab in the middle of that huge ice storm that flattened the midwest this week. My sister has been without power since Monday night, as has most of our city. Surrounding towns have had no power at all.

We are SO lucky to still have our power on when 90% of our city was without power. A tree limb took out our cable line, so we didn't have any tv, phone or internet until late last night when James fixed it with a $5 part from the hardware store. The line is still on the ground, but we're no longer cut off from the internet! Hooray!!!!

We're bracing for a fair amount of snow tonight. A lot of the ice melted off the trees yesterday, so hopefully that will be enough so the weight of the snow doesn't make more branches fall. We have a limb on our roof, but we don't know if it's damaged yet. I've taken pictures, so I hope to get them on here within a couple of days. There are downed limbs everywhere. It was so weird to open the door to a fairyland and hear the sounds of "gunshots" from breaking limbs.

We had plenty of food (thank you food storage), but our water storage had been neglected. That really hit home when we heard that our citywide water supply was down to two days because of the generators not working to pump the water. I filled up containers with water and got some of the last at the store, but you can bet I'm going to get my 2 week water supply very soon! It's so true how a near-disaster changes your priorities.

I'm signing off for now, and I hope that I'll be back with pictures soon.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Found and Lost

My digital camera is nice and takes pretty good pictures. I keep wishing I could put some fun photos on my blog, if I learn how to get them from the camera to the computer. I've missed that camera for a long time. It has been lost. I kept reminding James when he would ask me where I put it that "The last time I saw it was when you had it taking pictures of the possum in the tree. I haven't seen it since." Was it wrong of me to gloat? Perhaps. I tried to keep the gloatiness out of my voice, but it's hard since I am the one who's called him at work on more than one occasion to see if he had seen my keys. I was grateful that he took those pictures since I found Mr. Opossum smashed in the road just outside of our street a few weeks later. He lived under the storm drain in front of our house. I miss his sweet face. But I digress.

I finally found the camera several days ago while looking for my birth certificate on top of the refrigerator, because I need to renew my driver's license. It was the copy I ordered because I couldn't find my original. I'm sure it's in the boxes we still have packed somewhere, but I looked through about fifty million and couldn't find it. To his credit, James was excited I found the camera, and didn't say anything about me not looking far enough back on the refrigerator where he had suggested it was just a couple of weeks prior.

Now I have my camera and I since found the birth certificate (which was hiding from me by sneaking down into the bookshelf, taunting me when I saw it), but I've now lost my social security card. Since they changed the laws I have to have my birth certificate AND my social security card AND proof of residence to renew my license. I had the SS card somewhere.... and it too is a replacement. I'm glad it's still in the envelope because I never would find it otherwise.

If the government was ever in desperate need of me, I would be happy to run the witness protection program. If left up to me, no one would EVER be able to find anyone I had lost -um- placed.

But first I would have to drive there. To do that, I need my license renewed. So if you see a woman and three kids in a car-shaped, crayon decorated cardboard box running to the store Flintstone style, wave and say hi. Or if you're nice and not a stalker, maybe offer us a ride?

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Late Night

Where are the words, what should they be? Swirling colors in my brain. Not joyful ones are spinning, only shades of black and grey. When life is overwhelming what small part is my mind, the colors of the rainbow dim to these two degrees of color, or absence of light. At least grey is partly light. When black comes, it sucks out bits of my existence, reminding me of potential failures, or past. Stings here and there as it takes, claims.

Remember to breathe. Long, deep, sustaining breaths. Air brings in light, soothes the points of the jagged flow, restores peace for the moment of expansion. Blackness is upon the bare branches of the oak just outside, and I should be falling into nothingness. That darkness I welcome, but never know which visions await. Vivid beauty or anguishing sadness? Is rest ever truly thus?

So I ramble on, words dripping off my fingers as the drops in a springstorm, without the gift of rebirth. Not caring to stem the tide, drip by drop, the flood lessens until I am left with a semblance of peace, still damp.

And so, light begins to rise from behind the clouds. With the promise of hope returning, I welcome the nothingness, and with it, peace.

"Duh, Mom!"

Last night we were having one of those fun family discussions that are about anything that comes to mind. I was talking to Professor about Princess, and how he would protect her when he's older. I mentioned how his dad and I would be counting on him to help us know which boys are nice ones when they're teenagers, and he said..."Duh, Mom! I am your eldest child!"

I turned away, stifling the urge to laugh hysterically.

Now you know why he's the Professor....

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Two posts in a day, that must be a record for me. I'm allowed, because I'm getting sick and feel yucky. Plus, I need a little stress relief since I don't feel well enough to go to the gym, James got called into work and I don't want to do anything except lay in bed. Except I can't lay in bed because I might fall asleep and wake up to discover the house leveled by the kids.

Yesterday was a wonderful, stressful and awful day all in one.

Do you have a child who is wonderfully imaginative and cuddly, but at many times feels like the naughtiest child on the planet who is going to single-handedly deliver you to your grave? My second child, Bugaboo is that very sort.

Yesterday we had to take Daddy his lunch, so we had to leave the house at 11:45. This was the conversation, during which the boys were watching tv. (My 7 year old son will be known as Professor now, because he loves to read and impart information to everyone, especially jokes.)

Mommy, at 11:10: "Boys, get your shoes and socks on, we're taking Daddy lunch."

Boys: No response.

Mommy, at 11:15: "Get your shoes and socks on NOW!"

Boys: "Ok"

(Yes, I know I should have followed through the first time, but I'm not

Professor: "Ok Mom". Goes and gets shoes on now that the tv is off.

Bugaboo: "AahhhIIIdonn'tknowwheretheyaaarrrreeee"

Mommy: "They're right there in the kitchen."

Professor: "I found your socks!"

Bugaboo: "I can't put my socks ooooooonnnnn. (To me) You dooo iiiiittt."

Mommy: "Yes you can. I'm not doing it. (I refuse to put socks on a five-almost 6- year old
when I'm trying to make fried egg sandwiches and looking for Princess's socks and


Mommy: "I'm not doing it. Ask your brother for help, I have to find Princess's shoes."
(I say this knowing fully that he can put his own socks on.)

Bugaboo: "NO! YOU DO IT!!!!"

Mommy: "I am not doing it, and if you don't have those on in five minutes your feet will be
freezing and you'll be crying because you want your shoes on when we go to the car."

Bugaboo, after some more yelling and crying, decides to let Professor help him because he knows I don't give idle threats. He's gone to the car with very cold feet before. By the time I finished getting everything ready with the interruptions it was 12:00. We dropped off lunch for Daddy, spent 15 minutes with him, then off to Walmart where I needed to find underwear for Princess (she started potty-training on her own, number 2 is working great but number 1 will need a lot of work), and black pantyhose, a curling iron, hairspray and red lipstick for me for the Cantata that night, and various other items we needed. We took a while, and the boys were getting restless.

In the underwear department, Bugaboo noticed the different color bras that were displayed for young teens. Many of them had padding. Why on earth would a young teenage girl need 1/2 inch of stuffing in her bra?

Anyway, he said "Are those for boobies?" as he poked one. "Yes," I said, then "Stop that right now!" as he started rubbing them and looking at me, laughing. I have no idea how he would think that's funny, maybe just because it had something to do with private parts and modesty. At five years old, that kind of humor is typical, but I was worried that passersby might think I was raising a little pervert.

This entire time Princess was clutching her precious Sleeping Beauty underwear, and after I would turn around to look some more at all that was there (Why would girls need 30 different styles of underwear? With boys it's boxers or briefs!) the boys got even more bored. Professor was behaving himself, but Bugaboo decided to torment his sister by grabbing her pack of princess underwear while she'd scream. After a few episodes of dealing with that, we left for the cosmetic department.

I finally decided on a curling iron as the boys started to chase each other, then Professor picked up Bugaboo a couple of times as they both were laughing. I don't blame them for being bored our of their minds, but I told them to sit down on the bottom of the shelf.

It's funny the looks I got. Some are of the "I can't believe you allow your children to act like that" variety, the same looks that I'm sure I gave before I had sons. Either those people have never had boys, or they were the ones who had the rare boys who are quiet and calm and never do anything wrong. Those are VERY rare. Other people wore slightly annoyed expressions as they waited for me to herd the two boys out of the middle of the narrow aisle. And there were a couple of people who smiled at us and gave me the "I know exactly what you're going through" expression. Those were my favorite people in the world at that moment.

After that we headed for the checkout, where I realized after standing in line for a few minutes that I had forgotten the lipstick. Now, I could have gone without, but I almost never get to dress up anymore for anything other than church. I've always wanted to wear a very red lipstick, but I knew that it had to be a certain shade and that I could pull it off only with certain clothes, and my cantata outfit was perfect for it. So we got out of line and went back to the cosmetic department.

I took a while comparing all the different shades, but I decided quickly after Professor said, "Mommy, he's showing his butt!"

Yep, Bugaboo was facing me, had pulled his pants down over his rear, and was bending over and giggling while mooning the end of the aisle. Luckily no one was there to see it. I was torn between laughing and crying, and hissed "PULL YOUR PANTS UP RIGHT NOW!!!!

Thankfully he listened right away and pulled up his pants, but continued laughing while bouncing his butt up and down while bending over. I turned back to the lipstick and chose one quickly.

I got some compliments last night on how beautiful I looked, which made me feel pretty special. The lipstick, hairspray and curling iron paid off. What overweight woman doesn't like to hear that she's beautiful once in a while, even if a person or two sound quite surprised as they say it? James tells me all the time, which I love to hear, but I keep telling myself that he's not just saying it because he's my husband and he has to. I know he's saying what he really feels, and I'm a lucky woman.

However, you know what one of the most special things of all was?

James was struggling with Professor and Princess during the whole performance, which lasted about an hour. Not so with Bugaboo. He listened to everything, focused on each song! After we got home, he snuggled with me for a little while. I asked him if he liked the music and the expression on his little adorable face became both rapturous and dreamy as he smiled and nodded his head.

He's the one who most often makes me feel that I'm losing my mind, but he's also the one who I hear the most saying, "Mommy, I love you". In fact, I just got one of those and a hug from him.

I'll keep him....even though I just discovered that the coveted Sleeping Beauty underwear was a size 8 instead of size 4, and that he was just running around in his underwear with his pants on top of his head.

A very strange dream

Last night I had a weird dream. I don't remember all of it, and had forgotten about it completely until I was reading the last few chapters of Kimberly's book. I'm not telling you which chapter, because you need to read it for yourself! It's geared towards 9-12 year olds, but I enjoyed it immensely. Kim has a gift for writing!

Anyway, after reading a certain chapter which shall remain nameless, I remembered part of my dream. It had been raining, and one of my children pointed out two rainbows that were on my deck, just outside the sliding glass doors. The rainbows were side by side, except instead of the usual arch one of them had the arch starting high at the beginning and dipped down quickly. They also weren't nearly as big as your usual rainbows.

I stepped outside and they were so vivid and bright, the most gorgeously glowing things I have ever seen. They were almost pulsating with colored light. When I put my hand out and took hold of one, its image changed. My hand went barely all around its circumference and the rainbow took on the slight appearance of a rope, while retaining its original brilliance and beauty. It felt damp, thick and dense, like a roll of wet paper towels that has been squeezed.

I knew that the rainbows would fade shortly, and I so wanted to preserve the beauty to savor later. The short time they would be there didn't seem long enough to fully appreciate and absorb their intensity. Since I discovered that the rainbow had substance, but was mostly water I realized that the reason rainbows disappear is because they evaporate. I called for a knife, and once it was in my hands I grasped the rainbow firmly and started sawing. I sliced through it, taking out a section a foot long to put in the freezer. I felt sorrow as I cut, feeling that I was almost doing something wrong by carving up such a glorious thing, but I also knew that it would be gone in a few minutes and I would never have a chance to feel that wonder in my hands again. It wasn't enough for me to savor and let the rainbow leave on its own terms.

After I was finished, I handed the rainbow section to my eldest and told him to put it in the freezer. I looked back at the rainbow and it stayed exactly where it was, sadly complete with its missing section. Not long after, both rainbows started to fade, and I felt wistful. I was glad I had some in the freezer.

Friday, November 30, 2007

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband is the best guy EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm repressing the urge to scream like a schoolgirl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's one of the songs I love to hear this guy sing....

...and I hope he sings it on March 7th, because....

I'M GOING TO THE MICHAEL BUBLE CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've never been to a concert. Never, ever, unless it was a special performance at youth conference by an LDS artist. Never anything this big, and next year I'll be out of my twenties. It's about time I get to one!!!!!!

Michael Buble is my favorite artist, and my husband let me make the call to choose between the 3 ticket prices. I probably should have gone for the absolute cheapest, but this may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me! I chose the middle of the road tickets, which mean I'll be on the 1st floor. They're selling out really fast! I would have LOVED to have the most expensive ones, but I knew that wasn't really a good idea. I get to hear him LIVE!!!!!!! Oh, what the heck... *getting in schoolgirl mode* AAAAAHHHHHHHHHIIIIEIEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 26, 2007

It's good to be back!

I tell you, I've felt very special to have some of you asking where I've been. You have left such sweet comments, especially about my poetry and singing! I will only post singing by request, so because of the kind comments I'll post another soon. (No Cool Story, I actually haven't sung in anything other than choirs or a quartet here and there in church for many years, but it still felt good to see your comment!)

I've been here. In my house, but feeling nothing blogworthy that I felt like posting. I won't be gone as long this time. My uncle died unexpectedly of a massive stroke, and even though I haven't seen him for years he was my dad's only sibling (younger) and he took care of my grandparents. He was very healthy and fit, so it's been a huge shock to everyone. We've been figuring out what to do about getting my grandparents to move from NY to the midwest. To be honest I didn't think about blogging or reading them much for a while. I was so pleasantly surprised to see that I was missed, and I'll get around to your blogs as soon as I can! You are all awesome! :D

I started with Christmas shopping, and my family's about done. I did an insane thing: I went shopping Friday morning at 3:50 AM. This after only about 1 1/2 hours sleep. Anyone else give up some of their sanity to go out on Friday? Here's what happened....well, let me back up a bit.

After Thanksgiving dinner at my parent's house, that night we went to an old friend's parents' house for a reunion of sorts. There was a bunch of us that were really close when we were in Mutual, I hadn't seen some of these people for 10 years. It was great catching up, but we didn't get home until almost 1:00 am.

As we were getting ready to leave the gas station to head home at a little past twelve, I had the distinct impression to say a prayer. I told James, and he said a prayer for safety. Afterwards, we got on the road and hadn't been on it for even 5 minutes before we came upon two deer slowly meandering across in front of us. James was able to control the van, brake and swerve enough to miss the last deer's hindquarters by inches. Babaloo was eating some lemon pie that landed upside-down on the floor, and Bugaboo started crying from the shock of almost crashing. James and I were so thankful for being kept safe as James had prayed for. I have no doubt that at the rate those deer were crossing the road, if we hadn't stopped for that quick prayer that we would have hit at least one of them, if not both. I'm so thankful for the promptings of the Holy Ghost!

So after we got home, got the kids into bed and wound down and I went to sleep with my glasses on. James didn't think I'd be able to get out of bed when the alarm went off, but I was up for an adventure. I went because #1. I've never been out on Black Friday before 8:00 am and I'd always wanted to go, and #2. because of the urging of my brother-in-law, who has tons of energy. He convinced me and my sister to go. She's pregnant, so she wasn't as excited to go that early! They picked me up at 3:50, and we headed to the stores. Kohls opened at 4:00 am, and there were a bunch of people waiting. They had 50% off all toys, so I was able to find a couple of things I'd been looking for for Christmas, plus this Safari playset for Bugaboo's birthday in January that he'll LOVE. I'm really impressed with Imaginext toys, they seem so well constructed and like they'll hold up to 5 and 7 year old boys. I also have been looking for a tea set for Princess, and this was perfect. It's so cute, you fill the cups with ice water and they change color to pink where the water is. See? Fruit punch or herbal tea! You can't tell it from the picture, but it's a flower themed set. The saucers resemble leaves.

Then off to Walmart, which was a disappointment. Most of the deals were in the isles, and I can tell you right now that my daughter will never, ever own a floozy Bratz doll and we have no need for Barbie Island Princess bedding or dolls when I got her a Sleeping Beauty doll at Aldi for $6.99. (At two years old, she's obsessed with Sleeping Beauty!) I LOVE Aldi!!!!

More on those Bratz dolls...just the name makes me feel icky. I have had mixed feelings about Barbie, but at least there have been Barbies made to look more like wholesome all-American girls, albeit not with all-American girl measurements. The Bratz dolls look like little vampy tarts. Am I the only one here who feels like that, or am I just nuts?

Next up was the giant hardware-and-more store that was MOBBED. They ran out of carts quickly, so people were dragging trash cans around the store!

It was a bit crazy, and I got a little claustrophobic at times, but it was fun. I never knew grown women would fight about $1.85 fleece blankets. we didn't fight with anyone, but my sister was reaching into the bin and women started jumping on top of her!!! I was looking for her at the time and didn't see her or I would have pulled them off. She's just starting to show with her pregnancy, but I don't think it would have made a difference to them if she was nine months along.

The lady behind us in line was SO kind, she and my sister were trading stories and the lady told her that in Walmart that morning her coat toggle got caught on someone's shopping cart, and the woman kept dragging her and cursing at her as she was begging them to stop so she could get free. Finally a man stepped in and made the crazy cart-pusher stop. I think I'll go again next year, but only if my b-in-law is going again. He's 6 ft tall so I feel safe with him! If I wanted something all I had to do was ask him to get it. It was fun being out while James and the kids were asleep, so I didn't have to worry about getting home.

As far as my weight goes, I thought I had gained a bit but it was that water-weight tricking me again. I hate maintaining, but it's better than gaining. Especially with eating tons of pie on Thanksgiving. I think I need to go to the gym at least 4 times/week to see a decrease. Lately it's been 2-3 times a week, including at least a full hour to hour and a half on Saturday. I've changed in my fat-muscle ratio a bit more in my upper body, but I need to go more to get better results. I've been going by my chiropractor's suggestion to do 1/3 aerobic (elliptical) and 2/3 nautilus machines (weights) for best fat loss. He lost 70 pounds recently so I figured he'd know what would work. I think I actually need more aerobic exercise than that, so I'll keep you posted.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Up Late. Blah.

Why am I up right now, at 2:00 am?

Because I can't sleep. I had thoughts of a poem in my brain.

I read some poems online, discovered a wonderful poet by the name of Martin Robertson. Inspired by him, I started thinking of my love of words which I don't indulge in very often. I always tell myself that I've had no training. However, that shouldn't stop me. Writing poems is all about creating an art form, right? RIGHT? Well, mine are anyway. So, I give you this deep subject to think about. Enjoy. Maybe. Writing about splitting wood when I should be sawing it may not be a good thing! What inspired this? Going outside to find my purse in the van, I smelled the delicious crispy-leaf fall air, complete with fireplace smoke wafting in on the cool breeze. On of my favorite scents in the whole world!

Life of a Chopping Stump

Oak meets oak.

One scarred, steady, one unsure-

resting precariously.

Sister? Brother? Father? Mother?

Silver flashing,

no chilling rain.

Grip unrelenting, shudders.

Alone once again.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Growing up too fast!

My little 2 year old princess is obsessed with Sleeping Beauty. She wants Sleeping Beauty and Prince Phillip dolls for Christmas. At the store today, I showed her different princess dolls to find out which one she likes the best. More often than not, when I showed her one she would look up at me and exclaim, "She has boobies?"

Yep. My little baby girl notices that Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Princess Barbies have boobies. She thinks it's funny. I think she's cute.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Goal Accomplished.

I did it. Got below 210 for my birthday, actually ON my birthday yesterday. I did manipulate the system a bit. I was really waterlogged, so knew I'd be dropping a pound or two by today or tomorrow. My ears were so stopped up it wasn't funny.

I got up and started my birthday with a good workout. I didn't drink much during, just what I felt like drinking, so when I got home I was 210.4. I was really tired so I decided to go back to bed, hoping that when I got up I would be less since I'm always less in the mornings. Got up, still the same. I should have eaten breakfast then since it was after 9:00, but I got on the computer and got sidetracked. Then nature called, so after that I decided to strip down and get really honest with the scale, hoping that made a difference. It's so sad, isn't it? I'm a bit embarrassed by how much I wanted it and I've never accomplished a weight goal, but I really, really wanted to see 209 yesterday. I got on that scale and was 209.6. Yep, I did manipulate the system a little by not drinking a lot of water or eating breakfast until late, but this morning I was 209.8 so it wasn't far off. I've woken up late and not eaten breakfast until later before and haven't been that low. I have one of those scales that tells you how much fat, water and muscle you have so I wasn't dehydrated. I am sooo excited and quite hopeful that I'll lose these next 10 lbs by New Year's Day!

My birthday was good. My oldest gave me some silverish snowman earrings he picked out just for me. He did a great job, I would have picked them out myself! The next son gave me a watch that was pointed out to him by his daddy. Great work, son. Then my daughter gave me some speakers that can be used by an Ipod. I don't have an Ipod. Then, James gave me a computer printout of an mp3/mp4 player Ipod Nano knockoff he won me on Ebay, but it's not here yet. I'm SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! Can't wait! I mentioned once how much I'd love an Ipod, but I know we can't afford one. It was a great surprise! Now, hopefully it gets here soon!!!!!!

It has 7 equalizer modes, ebook function, video function, fm radio, a lot of different music file formats, and more. Man, am I excited!!!!!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Victim of Circumstance? I think NOT!

I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to get through this next week and a half of cravings and bloating and whatnot. Looking back on my other posts, I know I've mentioned PMS several times, but I think that's the time I really fall of the wagon train for weight-loss.

The kids were just watching one of those old Kidsongs videos, the one where they were at the amusement park. There's a song on there about eating fast food. Part of the lyrics are, to the best of my remembering, "Oooohh yeah, I'm a victim of circumstance. Fast food's got a hold on me, and I don't stand a chance!" Hearing that song got me thinking even more.

Now, fast food rarely tempts me (financially and we're home nearly all the time) but I was thinking of what Calamity Jane says about planning for success. That brought to mind this coming week, the week for me that starts the holiday nonstop eating frenzy. I need to plan. I want to let my kids make the cool Halloween spiders that we saw on Food Network today without it sabotaging ME.

That means that I need to have some really tasty and healthy food made up so I don't get hungry. I crave LOTS of flavor, which means that I can't just eat a few nuts or something and be ok. I learned that during "that" time your basal metabolism (your body's calorie usage just to stay alive) is highest. That would explain the huge amounts of hunger I get.

I am not buying ANY candy for Halloween. Ok, I'm required to buy a package to donate for the church activity but no one says that it has to make it from the car to the house. I can buy the cheapest, cruddiest candy I can that won't tempt me. Between the church party, trick-or-treating at James' work, and Halloween night we'll be floating in the stuff. Bad timing for me.

What I'll have the kids do is pick out some of their favorites and give the rest to the missionaries. If we end up with enough to fill my giant stainless steel bowl I'll chuck some of it too.

I'll keep you posted. This week will be tricky, but I will NOT be a victim of circumstance! I won't allow the circumstance to come about.

And, about those extra two pounds? My snuggish-fitting jeans still fit just fine, so I think something else is going on. My weight went up a total of 4 pounds, than back down to the two. We'll see what happens after this week. I desperately tried to talk myself into staying home from the gym this morning, but my rule is if I am awake enough to drive safely, I go. The tired part of my brain tried SO hard to make me go back to bed, but the smart part of my brain won. Barely, but it did.

By the way, I made my goal of going to the gym 5 times last week. Two were in one day as I took Babaloo to the exercise class for kids in the afternoon and got in 25 minutes of strength training. Hooray!

My goal for this week is 5 times as well. One down, 4 to go!

Thursday, October 18, 2007


Putting this on here to see if it's easier for my mom to hear. I'm not very good, so please be kind if you listen! :D

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Really Frustrated. Really.

Ok, so last week I only worked out 3 times and was 210.8 on Sunday morning. Every day since then I've gone up in weight. I doubt it was the cheese I ate last Friday, that was digested long before this.

I've gained at least 3 lbs back, I think. I don't know why and I'm pretty upset. I've been eating more salads, and even when I've had chocolate it's been the 5 grams of sugar per serving type. I haven't been overeating at all, and although I should cut down my fat intake it's no different or maybe better than last week's intake.

I have gone to the gym 3 days already this week. The only thing I haven't been doing is getting enough sleep. I also have been forgetting to read my scriptures the last few days. Is this punishment?

I'm ready to cry. Seriously, I have tears in my eyes. I have worked SO hard, and have been working out harder than I was and this is what I get? I don't think I'm any bigger, because my clothes still fit. Maybe I'm retaining water? Does that happen when you work out a lot? Maybe it's muscle? I have no idea. I'm just SO discouraged and thinking that my success was temporary and too good to be true.

I know exercising is good for my body, but I don't want to torture myself this often if it's not going to do anything for the numbers on the scale.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Thoughts on Losing 3 Bags of Apples

I've been bouncing between 9 and 10 pounds lost, hoping it stays down to 10 then reaches for 11. I'm so thrilled!

This afternoon I was thinking about how much lighter I suddenly feel. I got a bunch of 3 pound bags of apples from the co-op, so I picked up three of them for a bit to see how much I used to weigh. That's no small thing! It was sad to realize that I had 9 extra pounds hanging on me 6 weeks ago. It was such a nice feeling to realize that I could put them down. I didn't like the extra weight on my feet, I NEVER want to go back there again. I'm able to dance easier, and I can't wait for the time when I do a dance move and don't have to stop to wait for the rest of me to catch up. I feel strong inside my body. Except for my back, but the chiropractor has to still work on that.

6 weeks ago I was wearing size 24 shorts that fit very nicely. I'm now able to wear a size 20 pants that I couldn't wear before unless they were unbuttoned and partially unzipped. They're a tiny bit snug in the waist as the waist is a bit high for me, I'm short waisted. Everywhere else they fit fine or are even a bit baggy. Yayyy!!!!

I went to Walmart last night, as I've lost in the chest department as well. I've gone down a cup size and a band size. Why oh why is this one of the first places I'm losing? I'm pretty well endowed now, but I think I'll end up pretty minuscule when I'm done losing weight. Oh, well. Couldn't find a bra that I liked. I like the ones that are completely smooth so there are no lines in the knit shirts I wear all the time. I guess a trip to the mall is in order this week.

Luckily I found a couple of t-shirts in the next size down on clearance, and a cute pair of workout pants that is a size smaller than I used to wear. The t-shirts I have still fit ok, but they're getting way too low and looser on top. Not something I want to be showing off when I'm on hands and knees in a gym class. I'm not losing in my tummy as quickly as I'd like, but they'll stretch out enough. The new t-shirts, that is. They fit perfectly on top. Size 16!!! On a side note, I can't WAIT until I can no longer shop at Lane Bryant! (The clearance racks, anyway. They're so expensive otherwise!)

An interesting thing happened when I went to Fashion Bug to find some jeans. No luck, but when both salesladies (who were both overweight, one substantially) found out that I lost 10 pounds, they asked me (separately) how I did it. I told them, "I go to the gym usually 4 times a week, building up to 5, and I almost never eat anything with refined sugars or flours." They seemed slightly disappointed about how I did it, just said that it was great and doesn't it feel wonderful (which it does). I'm not quite comfortable yet telling people how much prayer has helped me with this process. I hope I can get to the point where I feel comfortable with it. I know that if it were the right situation and the Spirit prompted me than I could. I feel almost like I'm lying to them, telling them it's just diet and exercise when I know it's so much more than that for me.

As I'm writing this I still feel a little nervous that I'm actually DOING it. I know I am, though. 9-10 pounds in 6 weeks don't lie. I'm not going to make New Year's resolutions next year, I never do anymore because when I used to I would always break them. Nope, by this New Year's my goal is to be under 200 pounds. I want to wake up on New Year's day and be in the 190's. That goal and desire is going to help keep me going through the holiday months.

That may seem a sissy goal to some of you, because New Year's Day is 2 1/2 months away. However, I need to set longer goals than some people do, mostly so I don't stress out and sabotage myself in the process. I've always been way too hard on myself, and that's a lot of the reason I've been this overweight for 7 years. This time the difference is that I pray every day for help. I pray for help to know what I should eat that day, and for help to know when to stop. The days I forget to pray as much I don't do so well. When I started this I asked my husband for a blessing. That helped me a lot too. By following the counsel I received in the blessing, daily prayer, forgiving myself for slipping up sometimes, and reading Calamity Jane's blog I am finally succeeding where there used to be so much despair. The way I look at it is that I probably will reach my goal ahead of New Year's. If I do, I'll set a new one. If it does take me that long, I'll enjoy the ride.

Here's to apples!!!!!!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Food Masks Don't Work

For some reason my Candida problem reared its ugly head last night. I was pretty sick, cramping and running back and forth to the bathroom. I'll spare you the ugly details. I couldn't figure out what caused it to flare up, then I remembered that I ate 7 onion rings yesterday. If I eat anything that has white flour it causes it to flare up. Goodbye onion rings. I only see you rarely, so it's time to say goodbye forever.

So I don't know if it was a loss of extra water or what, but my scale said that I was hydrated. I didn't work out so I was in bed for an extra hour, but when I got on the scale I was 210.8. Yes, I squealed. I haven't seen that number for about 3 years!!!! I hope I didn't ruin it by eating too much yesterday.

Last night I kept wanting to eat. I was struggling to resist, and I would stay away for a while, then go back to the kitchen to look for something else. I kept looking around, wanting some kind of snacky thing, wishing I had some chocolate. Warning bells started going off in my head, but I ignored them. Lucky for me I didn't have anything that was chocolatey or snacky hanging around. Later, I was sitting on the couch, eating a substantial amount of reduced-fat cheddar and Triscuits, when I realized that I wasn't hungry anymore. I get hungry a lot more often since I've been eating much healthier and less total food, and exercising. But I wasn't hungry, but kept feeling the compulsion to eat.

I stopped to think. "Why do I keep feeling the need to eat?" I asked myself. I realized that I had been feeling the need to eat so as not to feel what was bothering me. I'm pretty stressed right now as this is my first month coordinating for a natural foods co-op, and today's my first delivery being in charge. I've only been a member for 4 months. I took over because no one else would, it was a big mess and many people had left, so I spent many, many hours sorting everything out. There's a lot of pressure on me to make sure it goes well today. Thankfully there is another lady who stepped up to help, and she's wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without her.

When I realized what was going on, I thought further. There was something else bothering me. James works full-time and now he's working on his Master's degree as well at night. He's gone SO much, I don't see much of him at all. Not to mention that it's a lot harder on the kids, the boys really, really miss their daddy. I'm thankful that he doesn't have to travel almost ever, or go overseas, but I still miss him. I didn't think that we would be in this part of our lives ever again when he graduated before. I was so glad to kiss those days goodbye, but they're back again. I found myself crying for a little while because I miss him. I know that he's doing the right thing, and I admire him for working so hard for our family. I know he'd rather be here with us. I wholeheartedly support him in going to school, but that doesn't make me miss him any less.

After I cried for a bit, I felt better. And, I lost the desire to eat anything else. The next time I feel that compulsion, I'm going to stop right away and figure out what's bothering me. Eating mindlessly never fills me up. I could eat until I was ready to explode and just feel bad about it, but still wish I had room for more. When I actually let go and FEEL what my heart is upset about, the problem gets dealt with. Food is NOT a good placebo for emotion. Food is good for energy. It doesn't work well as a mask to hide my feelings behind.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Discussion with a five year old boy.

While pointing to my chest: "Mommy, those are your boobies".
"Yes honey, those are my boobies."
Pointing to his chest: "These are my boobies."
"No honey, you don't have boobies."
"These are my boobies?"
"No honey, you don't have boobies."
Slight pause, then: "Mommy--these are my eggs?"

Mommy then doubles over laughing hysterically.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

The Going is Slow, But at Least It's Going!!!

This morning I got on the scale, and for the second time in several days I was 211.6. WHOOHOO!!!!! I've been going back and forth between 211.6 and 212.8 in the morning the last few days. Better than the PMS 213-214 last week.

I've given up the "get under 200 by my birthday" goal. After those first 5 pounds, the going is a lot slower. I'm seeing a lot of changing in my body. I put on muscle really well and my legs are shaping up quite nicely, according to James. I noticed while looking in the reflective window as I left the gym that I'm looking smaller from the side view as well. My large, sagging abdomen is shrinking. I keep telling myself that how fast the weight drops doesn't matter if my body's changing and I keep losing steadily. I've heard that slower weight loss is good for keeping the weight off as well. Can you tell I've been giving myself a pep talk?

That said, my new goal is to get under 210 by my birthday which is in 3 weeks. It's taken me 2 weeks to lose 3 pounds, and since I'm due to be PMSing right on my birthday, I figure that's a reasonable goal. That will mean still losing fat while gaining a couple of pounds of water.

I just made the most delicious smoothie. Everything tastes much sweeter to me now since I've stopped eating refined sugars, for the most part. Here's my recipe:

Yummy Yogurt Smoothie

1 cup low-fat plain yogurt
3-4 (or more) whole frozen strawberries (with no sugar)
stevia powder (stevia is a plant that is VERY sweet. Tastes like a sugar sub.)

Put yogurt, strawberries and one small, tiny pinch stevia in a blender. Stevia is very concentrated. Use about 1/16 tsp to start. I get the Now brand white powder that doesn't contain fillers.

Blend. taste for sweetness, add TINY bit more stevia if needed. Pour into glass. Admire the gorgeous pink color.

Frosty, fruity, tart while being slightly sweet and very refreshing!

Monday, October 1, 2007

What PMS really stands for.....

I found out what PMS really should stand for.

Peanut M&MS

The end of last week I was wondering why I wanted chocolate SO badly. I had resisted with all my might, only eating 4-5 chocolate yogurt-covered raisins. What I really wanted was chocolate-covered peanuts.

So, when I was in Walmart on Friday night, I saw the peanut M&Ms. Suddenly I realized why I felt like a chocolate-craving monster.

You guessed it. The three letters that strike terror into the hearts of men. And yes, I mean men.


So, I bought some. Yes, I've been eating healthfully. I figured that I could handle a treat, and I did pretty well. I chose dark chocolate peanut M&Ms. I figured that at least this way I would get some fiber, and the dark chocolate has antioxidants and I get satiated much faster by it than milk chocolate.

I opened the bag in the car and shared with the kids. Now, this was a family sized bag, so I wanted to make sure not to overdo it. If I had gotten a small bag, my kids would have had most of it and I didn't want to go home and eat everything in sight when what I really, really wanted was some chocolate. So, I ate about 1/2 cup of those things. A little too much, but it enabled me to resist my friend's best ever no-bake cookies at a girl's night later on that same night. I was pretty proud of myself. I listened to my body and was aware of every M&M I ate, and paid attention to when I was satisfied. I paid attention to the sensations and taste in my mouth, and for the first time I was satisfied with MUCH less than I used to be.

After that I went home and put up the bag. I had several more over the next couple of days, but no more than 5 or 7 at a time, maybe 2 or 3 times. I made sure to share with my family so I wasn't hoarding all of them. The kids were happy with how much they got. More than the couple here and there that they used to get. The scale hasn't gone up for me any more than usually does at this time of month, actually less.

Does this mean that I can have my monthly M&Ms and still lose weight? Maybe I can have my cake and eat it too! (Well, I'd prefer the M&Ms.) I hope so! Sure makes this lifestyle change a bit easier. I wish I'd had them around last night.

Being Sunday, I didn't eat much all day. We have church at 12:30, so we didn't get home until 4 and James was in charge of a multi-ward missionary fireside that the mission president was speaking at. So, I had to cook dinner and make a dessert for the fireside before we left at 6:30.

I made a whole wheat chocolate crazy cake with unbleached organic sugar. I didn't have chocolate chips to melt on the top like usual, but I found a bag of chocolate mint swirled chips left over from Christmas, so I used that. When it was melted and smoothed out it looked like milk chocolate, but smelled divine. We each tried a small piece before leaving.

The fireside was wonderful, the treats a big success, and there was only a few pieces of my cake left that I tried to give away as we were headed out the door. I succeeded in giving away a few.

I was so hungry when we left at 9:00 that it was a bad thing that the cake was on my lap on the way home. The pieces were cut very small, so I took off the chocolate topping on two but I ate 3 pieces. I was ashamed of myself. But that goes to show that you can't set yourself up for success if you're hungry and you have chocolate cake on your lap. I think I had enough of a calorie deficit from the rest of the day that it'll be ok. After all, it was whole wheat cake. However, I did learn a lesson. Put the cake in back of the van before leaving the parking lot if you're hungry, especially if you have PMS!

All in all, I've done much better this month than months past. So, instead of beating myself up for the mistakes I made, I'm cheering myself with how much I've accomplished! I still haven't seen the scale go down and stay down this past week, so I've been roughly the same weight for the past two weeks. However, yesterday morning James said that my skirt was fitting better and differently. It's the same skirt I wore to his parents' church two weeks ago. So something is going on with my body. Perhaps it's just shifting some muscle for fat, and I'll start seeing the numbers going down again soon, especially after "that time" comes and goes.

I didn't go to the gym this morning as I'm still pretty sore from my strength training workout on Saturday! That was a killer training. My shoulders, thighs, chest and bottom are still sore! I'm going to see if I can go tonight after FHE.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

The Case of the Crinkling Plastic

Last night I fell asleep at 11:00, fully aware that there was much I still needed to do to prepare properly for Sunday. I was so exhausted that I didn't hear what transpired in my kitchen.

James was out in the living room at the computer. We have a small living room and the kitchen's right next to it. There's a wall between but two openings, one at each end, so the kids can (and do) run around in circles from the LR to the kitchen, and vice versa.

In the stillness of the night, when the only sound was the humming of the computer (I think it was Beethoven's Fifth) James heard plastic crinkling in the kitchen. He got up to investigate.

Looking slowly around the kitchen, he saw nothing. He went back to the computer.

The crinkling started again.

Thinking that our dog (mostly German Shorthair Pointer we believe, but a very large dog) was downstairs for the night, James knew he'd have to get to the bottom of the strange crinkling sound. He got up again and went to fully investigate.

He discovered that the sliding patio door was open about 8 inches. Peering outside to the deck, he saw an adult raccoon desperately trying to open my new 2 lb bag of baking yeast. I had seen that rascal one time before on our deck. He was looking along the bottom of our sliding door like he was trying to get in. Last night, he succeeded. We usually keep that door locked, but last night we didn't. I have a sneaking suspicion Mr. Raccoon was hiding in the large tree that is just off the deck, peering steadfastly at the door every night just waiting for his big chance.

I had left a tempting plastic box of food by the door as I'm rearranging my food cabinets. The raccoon had opened the door, snuck out the yeast, and retreated to the deck with its prize. Interestingly, it took the thing that most resembled a foil-wrapped package, probably reminiscent of trash-swiped fast food meals.

Chewing on my unopened bag of yeast, the raccoon stared at James with no fear. James stared back. Suddenly, James heard the "jingle, jingle, jingle" sound of the dog's collar as he came down the hall. Doggie had snuck into our bedroom while I slept to lay on the floor. He's not allowed in our room but he takes advantage of a convenient situation.

The dog trotted into the kitchen, where he looked outside and saw the raccoon. Suddenly the dog started barking his "I'm gonna kill you right now and eat you for dinner you thieving little punk" bark as he leaped through the 8 inch opening after the raccoon, knocking over some things in the process.

I hope that the raccoon had the you-know-what scared out of him and that he doesn't come poking around my kitchen anymore. Although, I admit that I admire the rascal's chutzpah. Because I'm guessing that he'll just try to be more careful about his nocturnal crime sprees, I will be sure to lock my kitchen door from now on.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I did it.

After having nightmares about tornadoes headed for me (which is no joke, I live in the midwest!), I woke up to that blasted alarm at 6:15. I didn't realize that I was falling back to sleep until I heard my husband say, "Kick." That got me up pretty quickly.

Now, unless you think that he's a heartless man, I told him to kick me out of bed if I didn't get up to workout. He's kind enough to give me a verbal warning. Either that, or he didn't want to expend the physical energy required to push me out of bed. Either way, it worked.

After using the bathroom in the semi-darkness, as I wasn't ready for light, I went to put on my shoes. Due to a slight injury on the side of my foot, I had a little circular band-aid. It almost hurt too much to put my shoe on, but I decided that sore spot didn't have the power to make me stay home. After all, using the elliptical machine doesn't require as much movement of my foot in my shoe as the treadmill does.

I got to the gym early enough to do 30 minutes or 2.1 miles on the elliptical machine. I was kind of glad that perfectly fit college boy who runs for an hour most days of the week wasn't there, so for a while I was the only one in the room. He looks like he pumps a bit of iron now and then too. Sure, I'm married. It shouldn't make me feel embarrassed to walk past his direct line of vision as I go to my favorite elliptical, I'm not in the market for being ogled. But I am embarrassed. I can't wait for the day that I don't feel like I can't watch the Food Network on the tv as I exercise, as I do enjoy the shows. I'm a pretty decent cook, but I don't want to have anyone silently snickering (or me thinking they are) while I watch Rachel Ray travel. So, I watched an old "Saved by the Bell" while I ran on my de-stressing machine. That gal from "King of Queens", Leah Remini was on it as the beachside restaurant owner's daughter. It was funny to see her so young, only 18-21, I'm guessing. That show was SO dorky.

I have a love/hate relationship with the elliptical. I love what it does for my legs, but even watching Screech roll down to the sea in a barrel it feels like it takes forever to get through a workout. I contemplated going longer, but my muscles have been neglected so I went downstairs in the eerily quiet women's weight room. It's a sad excuse for a room, no bicep machine and no ab machine either. It's missing others that I can't think of right now.

I could hear music coming from somewhere, and hear the 3 treadmills in the room above me. I loved the fact that I could work out alone. In several months, that will change as people make their resolutions yet again. Though for their sake, I hope this time they stick with it.

Stayed in the weight room for 10-15 minutes before I had to leave for home. I'm tired.

But you know what?

I'm going back tomorrow.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Yep, I'm back.

After not much of a start, I'm back.

My newfound inspiration, Calamity Jane is inspiring me in a wonderful way in my daily life, and with the help of the Lord through prayer, I'm discovering a new me. Please go visit her at A Waist is a Terrible Thing to Mind.

I'm typing this now because I've started getting healthy again. I've lost 7 pounds. Doesn't seem like much, but considering that it's been two years since I've seen those numbers (since the week my daughter was born) I'm pretty happy.

Here's going for complete honesty.

At the start of this a few weeks ago, I weighed at least 220. This morning I weighed 213.6. My goal is to break that 200 pound barrier by my 29th birthday, October 30. There. I said it. I'm going to give it my best shot! I haven't been under that barrier since I was pregnant with my first son, almost eight years ago.

Now as I understand that it's not safe to lose more than 3 lbs a week (ahem, Biggest Loser! Pay attention!!!!) I know that I may not hit my goal exactly on my birthday. I've been averaging about two lbs per week. I didn't make the gym due to illness this week, and I put on muscle like you wouldn't believe when I workout. We all know that muscle weighs more than fat. So, I'm going to try like the dickens to lose that weight for my birthday!

What have I eaten today?

Scrambled eggs, about 2-3 eggs. 1 small apple.
Two pieces of homemade (by me) whole wheat bread with organic peanut butter, small glass soymilk.
One small apple.
Homemade veggie burger on ww bread with onions, pickles, romaine lettuce and slice of cheese. Oh yeah, and a small bit of my daughter's burger that I really didn't need to eat.
I'll have some Postum most likely with a teaspoon or two of that yummy organic dark chocolate hot cocoa mix. Some chocolate flavor without all the calories a cup of cocoa would provide!
If I get hungry again (which is feeling quite possible at the moment) I'll eat some fruit. A plum or some grapes.

My throat is still sore from being sick or I would have had my burger in a big salad for dinner instead of bread.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

What DO eels drink?

Babaloo, being 6 1/2 years old (as he so emphatically puts it) is into science big time.
Because of this, it was no surprise to me at breakfast when he asked, "Mom, what do eels drink?" I pondered this for a minute, wondering if eels drink at all, then told him, "Probably seawater." Then we all were silent for a couple of seconds, during which I'm feeling pleased that I have such a deep thinker for a son. He then pipes up, "They slip soda!"

Did I forget to mention he's also in the "making-up-jokes phase"?

Monday, May 21, 2007

And This Sums Today Up This Far.

Typical Monday.

We bought a new (used) minivan last week, and discovered that the rear air doesn't work, so we had to drop it off at the dealer to get it looked at. So, we moved all the carseats over to the old minivan (the one with front windows that don't roll down and no air conditioning and an oil leak). Last night we dropped the new van off, so Husband could drop the keys off this morning on his way to work without the extra hassle. Except that we had to bring the kids so I could drop him off at work to have a way to get the keys since the shop closes at 5:00, when Husband gets off.....etc.

Since this is a public blog, I'll refer to my kids by nicknames. We have Babaloo, who is turning 7 (my BABY!) this summer. We have Bugaboo, who is 5 and the one who's speech therapist thinks he has an auditory processing disorder, we think she's right. However, it's been suggested to us that we wait until he's 6 before getting him diagnosed with that. For some reason they have to wait longer. He's been diagnosed with a receptive/expressive communication delay, which basically means he has a hard time expressing himself verbally and understanding what you say. Routines are very important to him. Otherwise, our day is shot to you-know-where. Like it was today. Oh, and there's Princess Peanut, who is 21 months old. She's the cutest little thing you'll ever see, and ---what? What do you mean I'm biased because I'm her mother?

Anyway, I sacrificed going to the gym this morning to get everyone out the door. Well, to tell them to get their shoes on in their pajamas to take daddy to work. So we did. Dropped off the key, dropped Daddy off, then it started. Bugaboo went nuts and started crying because we left Daddy at work. My lower back/hip area has been killing me since I got up. (Old birthing injury...well, 21 month old birthing injury.) I can hardly drag Peanut out of her carseat when we get home, and of course she's not happy to go inside. I tell everyone to get dressed so we can have breakfast. Normally, we wake up, make beds, say prayers, get dressed, eat breakfast and have circle time. Now that our flowing (haha, I wish) routine has been interrupted, Bugaboo is in a not-so-good mood. After breakfast, he starts fighting with his sister. At that point, the phone rings. It's my friend who had a baby 5 weeks ago, and she's wondering how I am. There goes my guilt! I had been thinking of her over the weekend, and didn't call. Well, something happened just before she called, and now I'm putting Bugaboo in his room for time-out while I'm on the phone.

Next think I know, I hear a huge CRASH!!!!! I told my friend I had to go, and I find that Bugaboo has thrown the nice, wooden castle they got for Christmas. You know, the BIG present that we got for them because I've gotten rid of most of the toys, and I want to do things a little more Waldorfy-like. They love that castle. Well, it was on the floor with part of it broken off. Floor pieces broken off, the side ripped off. I lost it. I don't agree with spanking most of the time, but he got six GOOD swats, and I started crying my eyes out and yelling. Not good. Especially since my visiting teachers(In my church, we teach each other lessons once a month in our homes) were coming in half an hour. I talked to him, and laid down the law, and to try to get some semblance of harmony back in our house said, "Now, let's have circle time before the visiting teachers get here". We started about 20 minutes until 10:00, when they were expected to arrive. We started, having a great time for 5 minutes, until they pulled up at 9:45. The old me would have stopped circle time, but not the new me. We NEEDED this circle time today!!!! So, I invited them in, and let them know we were finishing up circle time and they were welcome to join us! They did a little.

Since Peanut was woken up earlier than she would have liked, she was crabby. When she's tired, she tries to hit everyone and everything. When the lesson was over and the VTs left, I turned on Dora the Explorer, got the kids an early lunch, and sat down to chat with my mom a bit on the computer. I forgot that Peanut's diaper was poopy. Well, after chatting with mom for a while, Peanut walked over to me just as Mom was asking me about that poopy diaper. She stood there for a bit, with her hands outstretched over my lap, just waiting. I noticed that the smell of poop was unusually strong. Then I looked down. Yep. ALL over her hands!!!! I don't know why the heck that child insists on putting her hands down poopy diapers. I think this is the third time in a month!

Oh, yeah. I forgot that Bugaboo let the dog out from the basement when the VTs were here, and one of them is allergic. All this happened before 1:00. It's 2:10 right now, and I'm ready for bed!!! Except that I have to figure out what to make for dinner, pick up Husband at 5:00--oh yeah, get the car keys from the dealer before that, and oh yeah....it's Family Home Evening tonight and I don't have a lesson!!!!!!!!!! At least the boys are being quiet now....or maybe that's not a good thing.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Hmmmm.....some ramblings to start with...ba ba ba ba buns.

Now that I've picked a pistachio to represent me, I'm wondering why. It was, after all, a whim. Now I'm finding deeper meanings within the realm of the pistachio. Such as I can take those nuts or leave them, most of the time. They're not that important to me, especially if they're sitting next to...oh...chocolate cake? My husband on the other hand, LOVES those little green things. I guess I'm lucky, huh? Well, ok. I'm not dry, brittle and shriveled up inside, but I do have a shell up between my feelings and the world. I would rather pour out my feelings to my poor, unsuspecting husband. I think he'll like this blog. Ok, enough of the nutziness.

Why do people feel compelled to blog? I've tried before, but I didn't stick with it. Perhaps it's because I feel the need for recognition and approval from others, and didn't get what I was hoping for. Is that something I need to get over? Or is it a need everyone has? I don't know. Maybe I'm afraid that others won't think I'm as clever as I hope myself to be. Yeah, that's it. Well now, I just want to have a record of my life, and this doesn't give me writer's cramp like a traditional journal does.

Now, I love being a mom. I have 6 and 5 year old boys, and a 21 month old daughter. I've noticed that many bloggettes are moms! It is nice to connect with other adult human beings, other than once a week at church. I enjoy my children, but you know you've been around them a bit too long when you have a chance to go to Kohls with your sister, and you find yourself chanting your 5 year old son's ridiculous words. He came up with this, I have no clue why. He says, "Moo, moo, moo, moo, HINEY.....ba ba ba ba buns" while shaking his rump. No, I did NOT shake my rump in public, but I'm scared I might one day, unknowingly! I find myself uttering ridiculousness at inappropriate times. Am I reverting back to childhood? Although, being a girl, I wasn't that disgusting. Wait....maybe I didn't say that chant. I may have said...well, a little background first.

When my brother was little, my mom called his you-know-what a little "doodle". Brother couldn't say that, he changed it to "goodle", pronounced with an "ooo" like "moose" My sons know the proper names for body parts, but to save me the embarrassment of them yelling "PENIS" in public, we called it a goodle too. Except second son couldn't say that...he says "google". I bet the founders of Google would love to know what the company name REALLY means...but I digress. Since they both would walk around with hands in their pants, we would tell them "no google", especially when I caught the younger one whipping it out over his diaper in Walmart. So my 5 year old, when he was 3 or 4 (he has suspected auditory processing disorder and didn't talk until 3) started calling it a "no google". Then he started saying "no google beans". Now what could THAT mean??? Yup, you guessed it. Wherever there's a "no google" there must be "no google beans". And I think THAT was what I was uttering in my tiredness, tramping around the clearance sections at Kohls.

So, if you're still here, thank you. I put my words out into cyberspace to find some grown-up, listening ears. Unless I start chanting, "Moo, moo, moo, moo HINEY!!!" or was that "No google BEANS!".